How to Survive the Pain of Heartbreak (When Your Whole Body Hurts)
*Stories are to convey clinical concepts. No identifying information is shared.
From the moment I saw Jeff* walk up to the office, I knew it was over.
His face had grief written all over it.
And his back hunched in a way that was unlike him.
Jeff, a middle-aged local attorney, had been coming to counseling for some time.
He’d had a string of good relationships that ended — all around the six-to-eight-month mark.
He hadn’t wanted to go to therapy at first.
But his girlfriend, Beth, had begged him to.
“You’re very closed off,” she told him, again and again.
She longed for closeness and connection — while he unconsciously pulled back.
At first, he disagreed. But over time, after hearing similar words from each of his previous girlfriends, he finally sighed and said,
“Maybe it’s time I try to understand why this keeps happening.”
As stubborn as he was, he was more committed to building a loving relationship than protecting his pride.
So, he came.
When Love Feels Like It’s Slipping Away
His relationship with Beth was rocky.
In our last session, he seemed worried.
I reminded him of the work he was doing — the real, inner work.
That no matter what would happen between him and Beth, he would be okay.
He was learning how to stay present in love without shutting down, and that growth mattered more than any single outcome.
His focus, his control, his healing — that’s what counted.
We both knew that regardless of where he and Beth would go, he was on a good path.
The session that day was hard.
He was sad.
Beth had asked for “a break,” to think things over.
And though he was heart broken and uncertain, he was also able to anchor into some of the wisdom we’d talked about — the kind that helps you breathe again when love feels like loss.
Three Reminders About Love — to Help You Survive Heartbreak
If you’re wondering how to heal my heart after loss or longing for attachment-focused therapy that brings calm back into your body — start here.
These are truths I’ve shared with many clients in my New York & Long Island therapy practice and beyond.
If you or someone you love is navigating the ache of a breakup, may these words bring a small measure of comfort.
1. You can love deeply and still lose — and that doesn’t mean you failed.
Heartbreak doesn’t erase the beauty of what you shared.
It’s easy to think love was “wrong” if it didn’t last forever, but love’s success isn’t measured by duration — it’s measured by depth.
If you showed up honestly, grew, softened, learned — then love did its work.
As Esther Perel reminds us:
“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”
Even if a relationship ends, its imprint remains in the ways you’ve expanded — your capacity to love, to risk, to be known.
Sometimes a relationship’s purpose is to teach you how to love again, starting with yourself.
2. Heartbreak isn’t just emotional — it’s somatic.
Your heart aches, your chest tightens, your stomach flips — because loss registers in the nervous system as danger.
You’re not weak for feeling it in your body; you’re human.
Research from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine shows that emotional rejection activates the same neural pathways as physical pain.
That’s why heartbreak can literally hurt.
In somatic therapy, we gently work with the body’s language of heartbreak — grounding, orienting, and re-regulating until your system starts to trust safety again.
Dr. Peter Levine, founder of Somatic Experiencing, writes:
“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.”
In heartbreak, the absence of connection can feel traumatic — but with the right kind of attuned support, the body can release what it’s been holding.
If you’ve been searching for Long Island therapy or somatic therapy in NYC to help you process loss and reconnect with yourself, this is the kind of work we do — helping you return home to your body, one breath at a time.
Healing begins not in forgetting, but in slowly teaching your body that love can exist again without pain.
3. Love is never wasted.
Every time you love — even imperfectly — you expand your capacity for connection.
Each heartbreak stretches your empathy, deepens your wisdom, and reminds you that your heart is still alive.
Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, says:
“When we are loved, we bloom. When we lose love, we ache. But in that ache, we remember we are wired to connect.”
The goal isn’t to stop feeling; it’s to stay open, even when it hurts.
Every ending is also a return — to yourself, your tenderness, and your ability to begin again.
So if you’re walking through heartbreak, remember:
You are not broken.
You are becoming.
And as you evolve, you will invite relationships that meet you with safety, reciprocity, and care.
Turn Heartbreak into an Invitation for Deeper Love
If you’re ready to heal your heart and find steadiness again through attachment therapy or somatic therapy in Long Island or NYC, you can book a FREE 15-minute consultation to explore what kind of support may serve you best.
👉 Click here to book your consultation call or call 347-903-7835 to connect with our team.
We are here to support you in building a life of love and rich connection!
Warmly,
Esther & Team
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For Therapists & Psychologists
If you’re a therapist or trauma-informed clinician who wants to deepen your skillset — learning to integrate somatic, EMDR, and parts work with clarity and confidence — I invite you to apply for the Trauma Mastery & Consultation Program.
It’s a 6-month, high-touch mentorship for seasoned clinicians ready to expand their clinical depth, intuition, and impact.
✨ Applications are by invite only. Click here to learn more or apply
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💌 P.S.Before you go — grab your free download on “Somatic Skills to Regulate Your Nervous System.”
It’s a simple guide to help you ground, release overwhelm, and reconnect with safety in moments of emotional intensity.
👉 Click here to get your free somatic regulation guide
References & Expert Insights
Perel, E. (2006). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.
Levine, P. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness.
Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). “Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain.” Trends in Cognitive Sciences.