Before Starting Therapy In New York, Here’s What You Need To Know...

So...You’ve had enough with your own excuses... You’ve decided that it’s time to get some help…

Today is the first day of the rest of your life…

But where do you even start???

Therapy “should” sound exciting, right? After all, it's all about getting you to a better place in your life.

It’s “supposed” to make you feel better…

Uh, maybe… but maybe not…

Many people ask,

“If it seems like the right thing to do, why am I even more anxious than I was before I realized I needed help?”

Some of those people describe the decision to go to therapy as being a scary one. Not only is it scary because you don’t know what to expect within the actual therapy sessions, but it’s a huge investment to make. It’s really hard to know how much time and money need to be devoted to it… because it’s not like a course where you sign up for 6 weeks and you are an expert with a shiny new certificate at the end.

I mean it might be only 6 weeks… if it turns out that you are in fact quite mentally healthy… then you might want to consider your therapy to be sort of like a dental checkup once or twice a year and budget accordingly.

But if you are considering therapy right now, it likely means that you are feeling stuck in some aspect of your life. Depending on the problem, it might not be as simple as getting a teeth cleaning or even as simple as a root canal. It might mean a considerable time investment.

Let me take some of the confusion out of the process for you.

Counseling and Therapy for Anxiety In New York

Let me break a few stigmas, and give you an idea about what to expect, though, understandably, every therapist is different and may structure their therapy and sessions somewhat differently than I do. My insights are solely based on my own clinical experience and practice.

So, here is what you need to know...

“There is nobody in the world who can understand what I’m going through” is not an accurate statement.

Many of my clients, when they first walk through my doors, feel completely misunderstood… like there is nobody on earth who understands them, or who has been through what they are going through.

While it may seem invalidating to tell them their problems are not unique, it’s really important information for them to have. (Let me clarify… each person is unique. But their problems will have a common thread that can be incredibly relatable to others).

There are countless people in the world who are suffering with similar insecurities, anxieties, stresses, pressures, feelings of unworthiness, loneliness, and many many many more isolating feelings descriptions I hear on a regular basis. If there was less stigma and shame around talking openly at social engagements, you would likely find that every one of your friends is going through their own personal challenges and can totally relate to you and your situation in some way.

You are not unique (in that way), and now that you have made the decision to get support, know you are not alone either. I want you to know that there are thousands of people who had struggles similar to yours, and those who committed to healing, got through the scary/ rough times and have built healthy lives.

Nobody can promise to fix all your problems, but with the right support, you will never have to face your problems alone. Which leads us to our next important point…

2. Finding “the One”: Dating Your Therapist

Did that get your attention? That was my goal. Now let’s be clear on what I mean by “dating different therapists” … finding the right therapist is like a dating process. You may not date your therapist. That would be a complete ethical violation. This is real life… not Suits… and you are not Harvey Spector.

The same way that you would want to do a bit of research and know what you are looking for before jumping into a serious romantic relationship, you want to do the same thing before jumping into a therapeutic relationship.

Successful therapy relies heavily on a strong bond between therapist and client.

It is this connection that will help to heal all other connections. So how do you know where to start? Well, it’s not one size fits all. Ask yourself some questions before you interview potential therapists.

Questions to ask yourself:

What do I want to get out of therapy?
Am I prepared to do deep work? Or am I interested in more of a quick fix?
What sorts of therapeutic philosophies am I most drawn towards?
What sorts of modalities are most likely to help me reach my therapeutic goals? If you are unfamiliar with modalities available, you can click here to read about the modalities that I use in my practice. There are many many more out there.

Once you have asked yourself questions along those lines, you can then look for therapists that would match your criteria.

Ask around, call a referral agency, or search online for some ideas. But the questions above were only the starting point. Once you have identified a good candidate, set up a consultation. Before I start with any new client, I set up a 15-minute free consultation to make sure we are the right match for each other. Make sure to prepare some questions for the therapist that are important to you. I have been asked many practical questions. Don’t feel guilty about asking them… these are all very normal questions to ask.

Questions to ask a potential New York therapist:

How long have you been in practice for?
Are you in supervision and peer consultation?
What licenses and certifications do you have and which professional organizations do you belong to?
How much do you charge?
Do you take my specific insurance?
How many clients have you supported that have similar circumstances to mine?
I realize that you cannot give me a definitive answer, but based on the above, how long would you suggest that I need to be in therapy for in order to feel significant symptom relief?
How often would you anticipate seeing me?
How do you set up counseling goals?
What does it mean to “graduate” from your care?
Have you been in therapy yourself? Do you value that all therapists should be or have been in therapy?

Just getting organized in this way should feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.

Knowing that there is someone out there who trained for many years, has skills, and is interested in you and your burdens, worries and hopes for your healing is a relief. You can put down the weights you've carrying, and let the professional help you with the heavy lifting as you begin working together.

Obviously in the first session it will be just about getting to know each other and sensing if this person is truly a good fit.

Once you find “the one”, you will begin to feel deeper levels of hope, relief, and confidence as you develop a strong therapeutic relationship and both of you are hard at work, diving deeper into your therapy goals.

What’s it Going to Cost Me?

Cost can be a hugely prohibitive factor when looking for a therapist. And it’s easy for me to tell you that it’s worth it… but that does not validate the reality that it is a financial concern that countless people struggle with (even if it’s important). Depending on how complex your situation is, it could feel as huge as buying a new car or paying an extra tuition bill.

This type of investment, like tuition bills are unparalleled in its return value.

You might want to consider making a cost/benefit analysis – taking a systematic approach to assessing the strengths and weaknesses of the different factors you are dealing with, comparing the ultimate benefits of therapy to the potential risks of not going to therapy, and identify ways to maximize the efficacy of your investment in the therapy room (by asking the therapist for homework, book recommendations, podcasts, videos and other supplementary activities that would cost less but make the work done in sessions more potent and valuable).

What I can’t tell you is how much it will cost you to “graduate”. There are so many factors to consider, that I would be lying if I told you a definitive cost. Many therapists will set up payment plans and many take insurance. Some will have group sessions to help lower costs (which I would not recommend for deeper work), and you can find organizations that will help cover some of the costs as well.

But another imperative thing to consider, and most people don’t think about it in this way, is that …

…you are the most important investment you can make in your entire life.

You cannot show up for others until you have shown up for yourself. If you have ever gone into debt for a vacation or a car, then you can certainly budget for something that will impact the entire course of your life and change the way you show up for yourself and your family.

Look at your finances, and see where you can shave. Be creative. When clients express their concerns about finances to me, if I can, I help them create a payment plan. Most therapists, if they can’t help you, will help you find a better fit based on your particular insurance setup or circumstance.

There are times when we are in financially tight situations, and if you are in one of those situations, it is best to work within your budget and get the right support for you at this time. I never ever encourage a client to attend private therapy if they are at a time in their life where it would add a tremendous, unreasonable burden to them. In those instances I do my best to provide resources and supports who can be a right fit for them. It may take some navigating, but there are many helpers out there, and you can get help; regardless of where you are. Always ask questions!

2. Know Where You Want to Go

Whenever I receive a therapy consult call, I always ask

"If therapy worked and you got the help you needed, what would your life look like in 6 months or a year from now".

Knowing where you want to go will help inform our treatment goals.

For example, you may have anxiety and feel panicky at work, socially, or all the time. You may be feeling trapped in your depression, are struggling with low self-esteem or you keep getting into fights with your partner. These are important things to address. Real life examples are good, because they explain the specifics of your struggle.

Before the first session, I really recommend making yourself a roadmap (to the best of your ability).

Write down all of the explicit things you are going through on a regular basis and then write down more implicit ideas of what you believe are underlying these situations. Many people have a hard time connecting those dots before the first session. It can take a while to learn the nuances of what’s going on. But writing things down is a great habit to get into. It will not only help to formulate a practical plan but will really help with maintenance once you have “graduated”.

3. Quick Fixes are Scams

When you buy a gym membership, it doesn’t automatically make you fit. Membership does not equal automatic ripped muscles. You actually have to use it. You have to work out. Lift weights. Sweat a little. If you don’t use the membership you bought, you are basically flushing money down the toilet.

Some people think that as long as they go to therapy, they are doing their jobs. If only just attending therapy healed everything… every person would be flocking to therapy and be healed overnight.

I wish I could offer you that… but at the same time… I would be robbing you of the deeply meaningful and enriching opportunity to experience deep shifts, transformations and self-actualization that this hard work comes along with.

And the work is not just in session… you will need to practice the skills, utilize your newfound awareness, practice being more attuned to yourself and challenge your unhelpful beliefs. The time between sessions is just as important as the time in session. It’s when you own your own life, and feel empowered to push through boundaries that you never thought possible.

Don’t let the promise of a quick fix stand in your way of this deep and beautiful opportunity to create the life you deserve. You don’t need to settle for band-aid solutions (which any quick fix can provide, but then the wounds don't close properly and you risk reopening and infection). Get ready to work hard for meaningful and lasting change.

4. Therapy Is NOT a "Fad"

Some people look at therapy as a cool thing to do because it's "in" and just like you have a Dr., accountant and nutritionist, you have a therapist. “everybody’s doing it…”

Therapy is really about relieving emotional distress and helping you feel better in your skin.

If you've never experienced quality therapy then I can imagine it is hard to understand how therapy can be impactful. It’s easy to roll your eyes and discredit therapy because at this point… let’s face it… it is pretty cliché. But practically speaking, a well-trained therapist is skilled at applying specific interventions tailored to your specific needs, that can help you to alleviate pain, emotional discomfort and dis-ease in a very particular way – tailored to you.

While there are many amazing Instagram and Facebook accounts out there to help inspire you on your journey, sometimes you need more customized direction (and I don’t mean through google algorithms). “Social media therapy” is a fad. Good therapy is not. Especially with all of the new research out there today providing so much hope and change to so many.

5. Accountability is Key

One of the things I respect most about clients who seek treatment is their courage and willingness to be honest and do whatever it takes to live their best life.

The more you can roll up your sleeves and be real in your therapeutic process, the more successful you will be.

Authenticity and honesty is about being open about your thoughts, feelings and choices.

At times you may push back on the changes or the newfound clarity you have, as shifting out of an old, unhelpful way of being is hard! I let clients know that it's normal to experience all kinds of emotions; relief, happiness, sadness, worry, shame, grief, joy, anger, frustration, confusion or even fear. Therapy is a space to work with and through all of these emotions, and dig into the "deep feels" to gain access to what's going on beneath.

There are definitely times where you are not the one accountable for things that went wrong.

Maybe mom was distracted, dad had anger issues or there was a terrifying abuser in your life. Many things that happen to you are not in your control. Life may have sent you too many rain-showers… they can be very hard to handle. In those spaces we support you and help you process and heal. However, we always come back to empowering you to the points where you do have control. Where you can make choices and create movement in your life.

6. Different Strokes for Different Folks

Every therapist has a different personality, approach and uses different methods to treatment. Behavioralists will primarily want to help you improve your behaviors and may use charts to teach you new and better ways of functioning.

Psychoanalysts will do the listening, and comment infrequently, but rather will be analyzing and observing as you share. Some therapists take a more interactive approach and engage in the conversation a whole lot more. However, even with different approaches, there is no single way to engage in therapy and so I encourage you to ask your therapist how involved he or she intends to be in the session.

I am an Integrative Psychotherapist, which means I use the most effective tools from each approach to best meet the particular needs of each of my clients.

The assortment of modalities that I use are described on my site. Each client will experience a different mix of these modalities depending on who they are.

I hope this blog is helpful to you if you or someone you love is thinking about beginning therapy. If you’re located in the Five Towns, Hempstead or Long Island area of New York, feel free to reach out. Our staff would love to be of help in some way.

Facts To Know Before Starting Therapy in Long Island, NY