*all information has been changed to protect client confidentiality

Wake Me up When September Ends

A story of healing and struggle for the holiday season of September

You know the Green Day song “Wake me up when September Ends”? The lyrics ring so true during this season to so many of us (especially this year).

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Although lead singer, Billie Joe Armstrong, wrote this song as a tribute to his father, who died of cancer when Billie was only 10 years old, his words are so relatable to anyone who is grieving at this time of year - grief of any sort of loss including expectations, stability and hope.

This song addresses changes and uncertainties that many of us might be facing; new, yet painful realities, the difficult task of finding a new normal as the seasons come and go.

While some may find this time of year exciting and refreshing (that’s OK too - check out my blog “It’s OK to be Happy Too”) it may also be highlighting some aspects of your life that are not yet fully resolved. You may be noticing unanswered prayers more than usual or lifelong issues bubbling to the surface. For those who are Jewish, this time of year can be extra challenging. After just starting to get back to routine, September quickly shifts to a month of inconsistent schedules and extra pressure to be “on” all the time.

When joy and sorrow can exist at once.

If you're feeling that holiday cheer and also some rumblings of emotionality or are a bit more sensitive lately, know that you’re totally normal. Welcome to being someone who can feel joy and excitement - and at the same time hold pain and struggles.

This month I have had so many clients come to their session time expressing an emptiness within their hearts and souls - a dark cloud of sadness enveloping their life. They have a yearning to disappear until things go back to somewhat of a normal routine (when September ends). They long for a time when the dark cloud above their heads dissipates and their heaviness lightens.

I think of Simi, a sweet, deep 22 year year old who is living with her emotionally limited parents, who don’t begin to understand her strengths, or her struggles. As we come up with a plan for the holiday, she longingly asks “Please tell me that I don't need to leave this room until all of this uncertainty is over”.

In these days, many have jokingly shared how, just as their challah/bread dough and ovens have risen in temperature as they bake and cook, their anxiety has risen too. There are external, worldwide changes such as job losses, economy unpredictability, political unrest, climate changes, back-to-school challenges, coronavirus anxiety, and personal, internal struggles where each person faces their own internal realities.

Sammy, grief and his holiday rumblings

I then turn my attention to Sammy, a 37 year old widower. Sammy is a anesthesiologist, and a dad to a sweet toddler; to the outside world, he seems tall, intelligent and playful, yet in our work together, he shares his sadness and pains of the loss of his dear wife. And in our last session, I recall how he plops himself in our session time and goes on to share “Esther, you know, my life has sucked for a while, but when this time of year comes around I can usually put on a fake plastic smile, even as I am secretly hoping the earth will swallow my grief up whole. The pain of missing my wife is just too big for me to bear. This year, with my daughter getting older and asking questions about her mom, it’s hard for me to keep faking it. I know she’s so excited about this holiday, and I have moments of joy too, but some moments I wish this time just would pass quicker".”

A personal tidbit from me, as a therapist + human + big hearted person

As much as I’m a therapist and I’m here to not only hold my clients’ pain with them, but to also help them process through and past the pain (and I’ve got research-based skills to help them do that), I also have a big heart, and I feel with them in their life’s journeys.

How clients’ stories deeply impact me and how therapy is just as much about your therapist’s heart and soul as her training and skillset

When Simi shares, my heart feels the heaviness with hers. When Sammy talks of his pain, I feel the pang of hurt and loss with him. If I were to ever stop caring, I’d leave this field because at the end of the day, I think my scientific based skills are only as effective as the love and care my heart holds.

So yes, my heart beats to the rhythm of hope and healing, and I hold the vision of what life can be for each client, and at the same time, I feel deeply for the reality of the person I sit with.

And as I hear these words of the reality of struggle, I feel it. Fully. And Wholly. It’s valid and it’s real. And yes, I do believe each person will get through in their own way, and at the same time, It’s important to acknowledge the many layers of reality for each person at times like these.

So, turning to you, if you’re here in September, feeling any rumblings of pain, I see you.

If the pain is worry, panic, nervousness or uncertainty about the world around us, It’s valid. This uncertainty can be exhausting, if not debilitating. I’m grieving along with you, my friend, in feeling the losses we are all experiencing in this collective trauma.

And if your grief is even more layered because you’re facing personal struggles as well, you must be working double time to just show up to life, to your responsibilities and to those you love. You deserve a metal star.

And here I am, sending you a virtual star, a trophy, and a standing ovation to acknowledge all the work you’re doing or have done. The work of showing up for yourself, for your loved ones. For keeping the fort together when the world is facing turbulence and holding a foundation of stability and possibility.

To you who is healing from a past relationship that left you with some scars..

To you, the one navigating some frustrating, hurtful or neglectful or dismissive members in your family or friend group...

To you, the one putting in your time and energy to invest in a loved ones health

To you, taking care of your child/ren’s needs…

And to you, the one working hard at deepening what it means to live a fulfilling and meaningful life; be it spiritually, physically or emotionally.

I am here cheering you on.

And if you’d like to hear a client’s healing story during the holiday that helped create a shift, click here .

A story of a client’s healing, Finding relief from holiday season blues, from long long ago

You may resonate with something in Sandra’s (not clients’ actual name) story.

And for now, Sending much strength your way,

Esther

Wake Me Up When September End - A Story Of Healing in September