5 Ways to Help You Find Your Sparkle Again
Help yourself get out of that slump by finding what makes you glitter and glow.
Learn and practice some small, yet critical healthy habits, that have the power to create significant shifts in your mental health and in your most important relationships. The saying “It’s OK to not feel very sparkly this year” has it's merits, but at a certain point we need to make a choice to make some changes.
The following blog is only a snippet of what we have to offer on the topic. Download our Holiday Survival Guide for way more ideas, worksheets and cheat sheets.
Every year I remind my clients and my Insta family that “It’s OK to not feel very sparkly this year.” And every year there seem to be countless people releasing huge breaths of air, letting go of the heaviness inside as they relax their shoulders and soften their tense muscles.
For some reason this idea of having permission to NOT be OK really resonates with people. This permission can feel life-altering for so many of us. So here I am giving you a whole slab of “permission slip” pads to use! Want to see a visual inspiration? check out this “Permission Slips Blog”
Writing your own permission slips can be freeing!
For those of us who over-work or have a tendency toward setting unrealistic expectations and have chronic never-enoughness issues, these permission slips can help refocus and set realistic goals by letting some things go
The rat race of overworking and chasing perfectionism can feel downright exhausting!
In a world where “working” and “doing” is glorified, I sometimes wish there was more of a focus on “BEING”. Being is one of the ways we get to slow down, be with our own breath, meditate and connect with the present moment. Need a tool to help you calm down? Listen to this Recorded Mindfulness Exercise.
Now, getting back to the title of this blog, about finding your “SPARKLE”.
I wonder what being sparkly means to you?
Sometimes we feel like we want to stay in PJS, snuggle up with a good TV show and hide out, boycotting all the holiday parties (maybe just a few of them). And sometimes, that is exactly what we need.
At the same time, like all things in life, we need balance.
It is important to be able to be present with feelings of sadness, loneliness or letting yourself rest when you’re feeling run down. But, there is a true power in also choosing to engage in behaviors and actions that create a shift and bring some joy, some energy and some sparkle to your day. So, if you’re here wanting some ideas to add some energy and even add some giggles to your day, continue reading:
Here are a few ideas to help you find your sparkle… but there are way more on our downloads page.
5 Ways to Help You Find Your Sparkle
The last two years we have given ourselves permission to NOT be sparkly, and this year I want to challenge you to find your sparkle again.
Here are some ideas;
Make Time for Laugh & Play Regularly
You know the saying “fake it till you make it?” I’m not such a big fan of it as a therapeutic technique but there are some health benefits to laughter, even when it’s forced.
Some Brain Research on Happiness
According to the Mayo Clinic research on laughter for stress relief, if you can get in a good laugh here and there, if you can let your inner child out for a play date, there are amazing long and short-term benefits.
It doesn't just lighten your heavy burdens mentally, it can actually create physical shifts in the way your brain is wired and in the health of your body.
How, do you ask? Great question…
It stimulates your organs, allowing more oxygen-rich air to flow through your bloodstream
It increases endorphins and other feel good hormones
It helps to release natural painkillers, helping chronic pain issues
If you can train yourself to laugh when triggered it can be a healthier alternative to your regular “fight or flight” stress response
It can stimulate circulation and muscle relaxation to help alleviate some of the physical symptoms of chronic stress and depression
It can improve your immune system by training the release of happy hormones instead of stress hormones that tend to weaken your immune system
It releases neuropeptides that help fight stress and serious illnesses
It can be easier to cope with difficult situations when you can laugh it out
So here is your prescription: Take a half hour each day to watch a funny TV show instead of a dark and twisted one, do the hokey pokey, listen to a stand-up comedian or read comics that used to crack you up when you were a child. Whatever it takes (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone), laugh every day!
Get Dressed Up Even if You Have Nowhere Fancy to Go
Dressing up can make a big difference in your mood. It can be hard if you are depressed or have chronic fatigue to even get out of bed sometimes, but trust me… it’s easier to be sparkly when you take a shower and smell good, when you do your hair and dress up nicely.
Even if it’s just to go out on a coffee date with a friend, get dressed up. You don’t have to do it every day, but set goals for yourself at least weekly. It will also make you feel more excited to be social if you tend to feel draggy about it.
You can dress up in really fancy clothes and go just about anywhere! Who cares if you look out of place and people are staring at you. They are probably just jealous of how hot you look. Get dressed, get out, and try to let loose a little.
Play The “Worst Case Scenario” Game
If you know that your family stresses you out, don’t expect that things will be different just because you slaved over a hot stove to make sure that the holiday party is pretty and delicious. Be realistic. Identify the key players that you are sure will stress you out and make a contingency plan for the inevitable triggers. There are strategies you can use for this (click on blog predict the unpredictable for some ideas).
It can also be helpful to partner up with someone else and make a list of the worst case scenarios in advance or pull each other aside during the high tide (like Randall and Beth Pearson’s game in “This is Us” when they are feeling triggered). You won’t change other people. But you can learn to shift the way you deal with them.
Prepare a Virtual Escape
You may not be feeling sparkly at the moment, but any intuitive person can identify some activities or items that warm their heart and make them feel a bit more sparkly - even if it’s just an escape in your mind. You can use this to help you bring out the sparkle when you are at your most stressful and you can’t leave.
Whether it’s pulling out a photo in your wallet, smelling an item you have pre-sprayed with your grandmother’s perfume, holding a glittery worry stone in your palm, fidgeting with hematite magnets, squishing a mushy stress ball, observing colors and textures in nature, memorizing a 1 minute meditation or visualization, downloading a journaling app on your phone or just learning to give yourself a butterfly hug... you can learn to tap into your own superpowers when you need it most. A virtual escape can do wonders in the middle of stressful times.
It’s sort of like the advice Adam Sandler’s golf coach gave him in Happy Gilmore. Learn to find your happy place so it’s there whenever you need it.
Set yourself up in advance with a few tools like this. Try out all kinds of ideas so you can easily pull up the warm fuzzies when you need them.
Be There for Others
It can be really easy to get caught up in our own little world, especially those of us who are always working on our mental health. For those of us who have gotten really good at boundaries and knowing our limits, it can be easy to forget to look outward at those around us as well. Those people around us who need a little connection too. When we are completely depleted and are in need ourselves, it can be hard to be there for others. But to be a well rounded and healthy person, we also have to make space for giving and bring a bit more goodness into the world.
There are ways to do this without getting overwhelmed or feeling taken advantage of. Here are a few ideas;
If you are not a phone or a text person but there are people who would really appreciate hearing from you and you have been avoiding lengthy conversations that never end, send a thoughtful card, text message, email or video with a warm message like “thinking about you and sending love”. You can love someone and not have the energy for a draining back and forth. So be there for them in a way that limits back and forth dialogue by nor asking any questions or leaving anything open ended. Instead of “how are you feeling?”, say “I really hope all is well with you”. Instead of “how is your family?” you can say “I heard your family is doing great. It warms my heart.”
If you are low on cash or energy but want to help a charity out, share posts on social media about the cause or volunteer in a way that you can manage.
Give blood or plasma if you can.
When you are cooking, double the recipe and bring the extra food to someone in the community who might be lonely. You can write a little note of holiday cheer on the foil lid.
Make a list of the people who are most important to you and do something spontaneous to show that you are thinking of them. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Leave some Hershey kisses on a coworker’s desk. Ask your sister who thinks you don’t spend enough time with her to go for a walk with you. Leave a sweet note in your loved one’s lunch.
When you are in a drive through coffee line, pay for the person’s coffee who is in line behind you. ( this makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside when I do this :)
These little gestures create really special bonds that have the power to not only bring back your sparkle, but spread the sparkle around.
During this season that is typically all about giving, we have to find ways to spread some light without diminishing our own. Until your cup is overflowing with energy, don’t try to give of yourself in ways that will deplete you. Giving should be energizing. If it’s not, you have to reevaluate how you are doing it.
And that’s not all…
We have lots more where this came from…
including worksheets and cheat sheets on our downloads page!
And in the meantime, know we are here cheering you on as you weather the storm like the pun ;)?
XX
Esther and the Integrative Team