6 things I wish I knew about becoming a trauma therapist

I was one of those bright eyed and bushy tailed therapists when I left graduate school. I was excited to take all the skills I had learned, to help people who were in pain, suffering, feeling confused and lost. You know, in my hope-filled bucket and deep desire to help, I was set on “saving the world”; or at least as many as I could help.

Social work school definitely had some classes that were interesting; social justice, some insight of psychopathology, working with pharmacology, understanding childhood development, and a whole lot more.

I thought, that with all this knowledge and my huge spreading heart, I can sprinkle care and wisdom to help those who I was set out to help.

Oh. boy. Was. I. wrong.

I’m not saying that my schooling wasn't good. It was great. But school gave me just a taste of the basics. It gave me a degree which would then allow me access to enter into the workforce, and eventually would be the paperwork that allowed me to sign up for “therapist only” trainings….but it was far from what I needed to truly do the work I was set out to do.:

Aside for the clinical skill I learned, the field of psychotherapy led me to developing myself into a more reflective person. A relational person. A compassionate person. This work pushed me to look inward, to shift my pace and to stay curious, always.

As therapists, we can only help our clients when we embody health and engage in our own growth + healing.

When we know ourselves, when we are able to see within our own minds, bodies and souls, we become skilled at being able to know, see and connect with others.

Professionals who do good work are likely people who have done their "work".

I look around, today, at my close colleagues in the field; the ones I highly respect and admire have done "the work".

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You're in this field for a reason.

We all have a reason for being in a "helping field". Often, we carry our own wounds, burdens, or desires to provide healing, because we’ve become deeply empathic along the way of life.

Our greatest wounds often become our greatest teachers.

You may have needed to care for others, to "care take" physically, mentally or emotionally, or you may have been on the receiving end of others being compassionate to you because of a difficulty you faced, and now you want to give back. Or, you may have had very little nurture, and needed to become our own hyper nurturer and since you became so good at self soothing, validating and caring, you made that into your line of work.

Whatever your story is, it'll likely propel you in this field, and help you help others.

Personally, over the years I've learned that I was holding a legacy of family strengths, and family burdens. It's part of what has fed my passion and gave me expansive capacity to hold clients and their stories- with a mixture of validation and hope.

I feel blessed to have met some wonderful mentors along the way- who helped me grow, learn important lessons, and helped me see that trauma is heal-able and relief is possible.

And here I am, sharing some of what I've learned, with you.

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6 Lessons I wish I had learned…

**1. There is no one way to heal trauma.**

Healing happens through many avenues. Each human has unique ways that they heal. The pathway towards healing has been studied, and there are many factors that contribute to symptom relief. Social support, acupuncture, prayer, new community, friendship, yoga, EMDR, somatic therapy, a new job/financial security, or a new hobby someone takes on. There are many aspects and avenues that impact healing.

However, when it comes to psychotherapy, there are many different methods that are useful. Truth is, though there are many methods, there has been research over the last 10-15 years in the field of trauma work, and there have been some significant advancements in the interventions that have been proven to be helpful.

Your ongoing commitment to showing up, expanding your skills and to staying curious to your clients receptivity to certain interventions, will help them continue to make progress and experience healing.

2. Your own trauma, anxieties, relational issues or memories may bubble up as you enter this field.

Psychology classes can make us think about our own lives, our hearts, our hopes , our dreams and our losses. Just like medical student syndrome - you may begin thinking you have all the psychological issues or self diagnose yourself as you learn all about different diagnoses.

Many therapists have shared that their experience in school, post graduate trainings or being a therapist, has highlighted some of their own wounds. And that’s not always a bad thing. Sure, we don’t want you hyper fixated on your issues and your struggles, but there is value in acknowledging your own story. Your own developing years-your strengths, your struggles and your story.

It’s common, as you deepen your clinical work, for your own unprocessed emotions, unprocessed memories or awarenesses to bubble.

Some may be very sweet and others may be painful. The good news is that going slow is the best way to go. Take any input or insight slowly. Pace yourself. Being mindful and moving from the speed of wisdom is the best gift you can give yourself. This is an opportunity for growth. But remember to pace yourself.

Investing in your own therapy is really important, and giving yourself to focus inward is a worthwhile investment- for your own health and growth and also, it’ll transform the way you show up, professionally.

3. It's ok to make mistakes..but own them and use them to repair a solid relationship.

We are all human, we all make mistakes. In therapy, mistakes are part of the therapy relationship. So if you didn’t fully understand what a client was intending, if you said the wrong thing, or if you mistakenly mixed up a piece of information or “stepped on their toes” (figuratively), then bring it up.

If you stepped on your clients’ toes (figuratively), and you see they are confused or hurt, bring it up!

Being able to name and acknowledge a dynamic is one of the most important parts of relational skill building. Our ability to name a disagreement or misunderstanding-with openness, grace and reflective capacity, helps the client learn how to navigate relational struggles. Model what it’s like to take ownership, to apologize, and to navigate a disagreement in a healthy, honest and kind way.

When you navigate it well, it can help you truly build more trust and deepen the work.

4. Always get consultation and supervision

The power of individual consultation, wisdom from an expert, or someone who is way farther ahead of you, is hugely impactful to your growth- and also, necessary!

We all come with wisdom, with skills and a unique approach, and at the same time, we all need places where someone points out our blind spots, an area we didn’t think about or an idea that we’d never have thought of. As well, being a therapist takes a mental and emotional toll, and having the right kind of supports truly does matter.

My work began shifting, exponentially, when I found a good mix of rich individual consultation and really wonderful consultation groups.

The support of being connected to others who are involved in this line of work is necessary, and being able to share confidential information with other trusted colleagues is vital. As well, as you get support, you end up choosing one or two mentors who often help you shape your clinical voice and who help you blossom. The same applies for peers in groups.

Supervision Vs. Consultation

Just a note: There are years of your clinical training-that require you to be under supervision. If that is you, it’s legally necessary to be under someone’s supervision. But aside from your legal requirements, even once you don’t “need” supervision, I still encourage it. I use the term supervision here as the term we use for pre- licensed therapists, but some people use the term consultation and supervision interchangeably. Consultation- to me-is when you get supervised/or choose to get clinical consult, even after you are fully licensed. You’re not working on your clinical hours- but you are getting consultation and wisdom!

As a fully licensed therapist, I still strong suggest consult- because it’s what allows you to be challenged, supported and to grow in so many ways- and to improve your clinical outcomes with your clients!

5. Surround yourself with other wise loving compassionate humans….

The people we choose to surround ourselves with deeply impact who we are, how we feel, and who we become. We make choices, but we are also deeply influenced by your environments. As social creatures, it is our best ammunition to find and keep really good people.

I know it can take time to craft a good crew, in your personal and professional life, but take your time, and focus on it as a priority.

In my personal and professional life- having others who see me, know me, support me, challenge me and cheer me on has changed my life. And, being a person who offers that kind of love, support, wisdom and guidance to those in my circles, as well, has been great for me. We all do best when we are giving and taking. A balance. As social humans, our network matters. As you grow and evolve- your social group may shift.

Be cognizant of it. Choose your people wisely:)

6. It's a long trek, don't plan for sprint-plan for a marathon

The times in my life when I rushed through any process, I often stumbled, tripped or fell. Or, I got “there” quickly but I missed out on some important elements, needed to go back and make up the lost information.

So, when it comes to trauma healing and becoming a really solid trauma therapist, take your time.

I get the urgency that you may feel, of wanting to help your clients, to provide them with relief, and to give them all you can.

At the same time, the most powerful work happens in the slow, daily building of trust, of building a relationship and of working consistently on the clients’ goals. As well, showing up with your skills, and committing to your continued growth and clinical advancement, will help you continue expanding your capacities to support continued healing and change.

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Let’s learn from each other!

I’d love to share your wisdom with our Trauma Therapist Community- Let’s Record a Conversation about your wisdom, your lessons and your journey…

I’ve begun interviewing other trauma informed therapists to share some of their wisdom, some of their lessons they’ve learned, and are learning, so we can all learn from each other- so if you’re bold and comfortable to have a conversation that is recorded and shared with our #TraumaTherapistCommunity, please reach out!

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I want to welcome you to this community of therapists, and thank you for learning alongside me, as we grow, evolve and support each other. We do this work best when we have the rich conversations, the honest talks, and the humility in our hearts as we show up to our clients and our communities.

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Until next time..

Sending Kindness Your Way,

Xx

Esther