“The only thing that is constant is change” - Heraclitus

As we grow older, we realize that change is inevitable. It’s not the easiest reality to accept, but it is a reality none-the-less.

Often, the changes in our circumstances are out of our control, but sometimes they are not. Even when the changes are because of our own decisions, it doesn’t make it easier.

During the winter & holiday season, those changes can become more poignant;

Last year my mother was alive, but this year I am celebrating without her.
Last year my job flexibility allowed for me to take a vacation and celebrate the holiday with my family but this year I can’t go home and will be all alone.
Last year I had money to buy presents for all of my friends and family, but the stock market crashed and this year I am so embarrassed but I can’t buy any presents.
Last year we were speaking with each other but this year our family is divided because of some big fights and we can’t all be together in one room.
Last year I had the energy to throw a massive party but this year I feel burnt out and don’t feel like being around so many people.

The list can go on and on… but you get the point.

Either because of choices we have made or because of choices others have made, or because life happens, our reality might look very different today than it did before.

Remember who you are today. Try not to get stuck in last year’s reality.

So what are some ways we can ease the discomfort a bit and accept this new reality without feeling broken (or less-broken)?

*** IF YOU ARE GRIEVING, THE FOLLOWING STEPS ARE NOT GOING TO BE OVERLY HELPFUL. TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED TO GRIEVE BEFORE TRYING ACCEPTANCE OR ANY OF THE OTHER IDEAS.

SWEET SPOT OF ACCEPTANCE

As we talked about in the last post “permission slip” acceptance can be difficult. It can be so much easier to shove our emotions down and not deal with them. But as we learned, it’s better to address than avoid, to prevent a build up and potential explosion.

Acceptance is not the same thing as resignation or approval.

When we accept something, the key is to find that sweet spot, that perfect balance of understanding, action or inaction, adaptation, and if possible, a resolution (with the understanding that it might not be possible in the way you want). Sometimes it helps to look at the bright side, but sometimes it doesn’t AT ALL.

For my own acceptance, It really helps when I am able to look at my reality, and what I am going through at any given time as one small part of a bigger picture, a chain of events, that will look quite different in a few years than it does today. We can’t always see the bigger picture, but we know that each moment in time, for better or for worse, is all part of a bigger plan.

Find your sweet spot of acceptance. (acceptance cycle)

SELF DISCOVERY

The more we fight reality, the more stuck we get. Once we can accept our new reality, it is helpful to do some introspection. We have done this exercise a bit in the blog post “Know Your Why”, but your why is fluid, and will likely change with each stage of life or change of circumstance. At your core though, you will have a sense of “self” that has its own principles and values to help guide it to balance and health.

Change often requires a renewal of your self-discovery efforts.

Kind of a check-in to make sure you are still operating from your truest “Self”.

SELF-COMPASSION

In order for change to be a healthy process, it will require a tremendous amount of self-compassion. When we are able to recognize our inherent self-worth and value, we are able to forge ahead with compassion for our history, our thoughts, our feelings, our memories, and our body sensations. We can write our own “permission slips” from a place of self-acceptance and love.

LIVE IN THE MOMENT

Life happens in the present.

We must learn from the past, live in the present, and work towards the future (using “lessons learned” from the past). Think about it...

When you are at work, do you focus on work or are you fantasizing about that vacation we really want to take?
When you are on vacation, are you enjoying your vacation and all the down-time that comes with it, or worrying about work obligations?
When you are at the dinner table with your family, are you ruminating about that fight you had with your friend?
When you are doing a creative exercise for your mind like writing or painting, are you thinking about how guilty you feel about that cheesecake you ate for breakfast instead of soaking in the flow?

When we live in the moment, it’s also called mindfulness or living with intention.

When we are able to move through changes in life - not with unbridled optimism - but a sense of acceptance and purpose, we will be able to ride the waves rather than allowing them to push us down. When we embrace mindfulness, it can reduce stress, boost our immune system, lower blood pressure, and help us live more hopeful lives.

Yes, change is hard.

When we can focus on what is within our power to change, and try to accept our new reality to the best of our ability, we may not have a “happy holiday” or “blissful winter break” but we can have a meaningful one.

Winds of Change: Living in The Moment. Part 6 Holiday Series