How Do I Know If Therapy Is Right For Me?

How Do I Know if Therapy is Right For Me?

Thinking about therapy as you sip your morning latte?

Engaging in the therapeutic process is an investment; emotionally, psychologically, financially and it takes time. It would be wrong to tell you that going to therapy is a blissful process, but neither is strength training at the gym. Sometimes the processes we engage in that are the healthiest for us are also the most challenging. But I can assure you that therapy will be incredibly rewarding if you choose to go all in.   

During intake sessions, it’s common to hear comments like, “I have been thinking about starting therapy for years but it never seemed to be the right time” or “My life was so hectic and there wasn’t even an extra second in my day - I couldn’t figure out how to fit it in” or “I was not ready to do deep into my painful past.”  

Some people do not show up in therapy unless there was a catalyst, an incident that finally made therapy a necessity. 

It might have been a long time coming, but it took the crash, or what some people call “rock bottom” to actually make the choice to improve their situation. It’s completely understandable. The decision is a big one. It requires bravery, strength, commitment, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to live your healthiest life - even if the process is challenging. 

What many people don’t realize is that often the best work happens well before “rock bottom.”

It’s called preventative care- where we prevent those spazz out fights with our partners in middle of the night that leave us weeping, it’s the planning to reduce our anxiety before the insomnia hits, it’s noticing the same clingy or avoidant pattern in our love life that keeps us from truly finding meaningful love, and it’s the getting consult on parenting before our child starts acting out in a way we can no longer ignore.

When our emotions are balanced and stable, we have greater access to more parts of our brain and therefore can do more effective “strength training”. 

So how do you know if and when you are ready to dapple in the world of therapy?

Therapy isn’t right for everyone... but there are ways to know if it would be helpful for you; 

1. You’re ready to talk.

   
   When the time is right, you will be ready to talk (or at least you will have an open headspace in which you can push yourself even if it’s uncomfortable). You might have an urge to get some heavy burdens off your chest. If others in your life “forced” you to see a therapist in the past, you might have succumbed to placate them, but it was a waste of time and money because you had no interest in opening up, looking at yourself in the mirror and facing your problems head on.

   Forcing someone into therapy doesn’t usually work out well (especially if the experience becomes another notch on their complex trauma belt.) If you have had bad experiences in the past, or if you are still unsure of your readiness, take your time! Research the best therapists, figure out your core concerns, learn a bit more about mental health... and then reach out to a good therapist when the timing feels right.
   

2. Something’s been nagging at you.

   
   There has been something in your life that has been on your mind for a while and it’s pulling you down. You may be feeling heavy with sadness or overwhelm. You may be feeling panicky and anxious all the time. You may be having problems in your relationships. You may be grieving a loss. You may have gone through a trauma and are having difficulties coping with the aftermath. You may be putting on a successful show at work, at home and throughout your daily responsibilities but still… something just feels off. You may just be feeling that you’re not ok but can’t pinpoint exactly why. Whatever your reasons are, it’s up to you to take the step to get the help you need. No one else can be a better expert on your own needs than you.

3. Getting through your day-to-day tasks feels impossible and you want relief.

   
   Your life has become difficult on a daily basis. You want to be able to get through an hour (or sometimes a minute) without feeling horrible. You are desperate to feel better and you aren’t even all that sure what better looks like.
   

4. You’re ready to do the work.

   
   Engaging in therapy isn’t simply a chat to let off some steam. Starting therapy is a commitment to do hard work. Recognizing that there are no quick and easy fixes, you are ready to take a hard look at your life, who you are, and what changes might be beneficial to your long term success. You will be committing to uncovering layers that might have been buried for a long time and you are ready to look at the painful aspects of your life while exploring ways to change what's not working. Some sessions will feel lighter but others will leave you feeling even more tired, and overwhelmed. You have your work cut out for you. Good therapy feels hard sometimes and you want to be ready to do the work it takes to experience the most effective change and relief you seek. 
   
   

5. You want to learn how to solve your own problems.

   
   You feel empowered to solve your own problems but you are not sure where to start. You are not necessarily looking for advice or for someone to tell you what you need to do but you do want another perspective and someone skilled to help you flesh out your ideas. Sometimes we are “too close to the project” that we can’t see the direction we want to go clearly. As a therapist, it isn’t my job to tell you how to live your life, but rather, within our therapeutic relationship, I will guide you to see your life through a prism, pointing out other aspects you might not have thought about before, while practicing new skills and learning new tools. The goal is for you to come to a place of clarity and confidence in making better choices, engaging in life with more ease. There are many therapists who seem to be “advice givers” but good therapy is far from that.
   
   

6. You are ready to invest in yourself.

   There are no secrets, therapy requires a commitment of time and money. You will be setting aside time in your calendar to come for a weekly appointment on a regular basis (at least to start with, for best results), and you will need to budget for the expense. If you would like to find out if your insurance reimburses your counseling costs, you’ll need to set aside time to find out about your out of network mental health benefits, deductibles and reimbursements rates. This seems to be the most daunting of all the hesitations but I have never met anyone who committed to the therapeutic process that did not feel like it was worth the investment in the end. 

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If you’re reading this, you might become aware that your self care has been left on the back burner. Having a weekly session that’s focused just on you, your experiences, feelings and life events is the first step to bringing the priorities back to you and helping you live a better life.

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Start your counseling online (for any NY state resident) or in my Long Island office in Cedarhurst, NY.

Now, therapy is not necessarily the answer for everyone. But if something resonates with you in this post, it might be a signal that therapy can be a good choice for you. Remember, it’s completely normal to be hesitant and wonder if therapy will make a difference in your life.

Reaching out by making that first appointment is a big deal. One of our staff would be happy to answer any more questions you may have by phone. We look forward to speaking with you via email or phone 347-903-7835.

Until next time

Esther and the Integrative Psych Team