Learning to Live with the Invisible Presence of Grief Through Expressive Arts
So you’ve lost someone in your life, and maybe you’re wondering how you can go on.
Like a devastating dagger to our hearts, grief makes a deep tear that may feel impossible to mend. A tear that rips through our joy, our gratitude, our strength and our perseverance. At first, it’s hard to even go about our “normal” lives without grief following us around like a thick and heavy storm cloud. The pain feels so deeply a part of who we are now.
Will I ever be my “old” self again?
Every moment reminds us of the lack, the loss, questions of why…
and the impossible challenge of how to go on.
For a while, we feel at the mercy of our grief, consumed, and have no choice but to give in, to cry, to mourn... A deep agonizing pain, that feels eternally heavy, and presses upon our hearts whenever it chooses.
Over time the pain softens, it becomes a bit more bearable, and begins to give way to life once again.
As the days go by, we grow accustomed to the ache, we get back to work and our regular responsibilities because there is no other choice. We get back to our lunch dates, and dinners with friends, but all the while our invisible dark cloud follows us...grief.
Like a tall dark figure looming over our hearts, grief follows us through the triumphs, the celebrations, the milestones, and life moving forward. It whispers “don’t forget”, and maybe adds a stone of guilt to our backs. A subtle reminder of the life splendors our loved ones can no longer enjoy.
As life continues on, perhaps we begin to feel even more troubled than when our loss was fresh. At least with our fresh grief we had permission to mourn, we felt we had a place for our deep sorrow. Now life presses forward, expectations to move on are subtly felt...Some days you’re okay, you get by and even find moments for laughter, but all the while your invisible dark cloud is there….grief… placing his heavy hand on your heart.
The questions start circulating in your mind… how do I move on? Do I even want to move on? How do I get back to myself, to my full joy, and deep capacity to enjoy my life, without denying I will forever miss my loved one? Will people judge me, if I move on too quickly? How do I cope with this invisible reminder of my pain?
Maybe the answer lies, in not trying to move on from our pain… but finding a place for it.
Finding a realm where feelings can be captured, honored, and tucked away… a realm of symbols, colors, storytelling and honorary creations... a realm of true creativity and the ability to express from the depths of heart and the soul. A place, created by the act of expressive arts.
The act of symbolic expression is deeply human, from the beginning of time men have created symbols to tell their stories, honorary tales told through images on stone, symbols and figures carved and shaped with colorful glass, and books bound with lessons and pictures of what it means to be human.
Our minds, hearts, and souls have always been deeply connected to symbolic and visual language. This incredible wisdom is within us all, waiting to be unleashed, to help us make meaning of our lives, in ways that may feel new, but are eternally familiar.
When we grieve, we may hold onto the material objects of our lost loved ones, a watch, a picture, a handwritten note… we know these things bring us comfort and remind us of our love...A feeling and phenomenon that transcends our material world.
Just like the objects we hold onto to remind us of our loved ones passed, why can't we create new objects that honor, express and externalize our grief and our love?
Well, we can… with creative arts therapy.
Creative Arts Therapy
Creative Arts Therapy uses art mediums, the creative process, and the resulting artwork as part of the therapeutic and healing process. People of all ages are able to explore their feelings, reconcile emotional conflicts, foster self-awareness, manage behavior, develop social skills, improve reality orientation, reduce anxiety, heal trauma, increase self-esteem, and find new ways to express what words cannot.
Using creative arts directives, you can have the profound experience of your inner world reflected back to you through an expressive material object, a piece of your emotions, troubles, and story, forever recorded as part of your creation.
Creative arts therapy can be deeply moving in the healing of grief, because it helps us create a place to hold our pain, external from ourselves, an object created with the sole purpose of expressing love and loss.
Below is a creative arts directive you can try, to help you find a place for your grief.
“Memory Boxes”
Using a wooden box of any size (found at your local craft store), create a box honoring the loved one you’ve lost. Paint it with memories of times together, colors that represent both your deep loss and your love, lessons learned, paste photos, and add tokens that remind you of all this person was and still is to you.
Working on the memory boxes can help bridge the connection to your loved one while allowing you to face the reality of their death, deepening the understanding of the grief process, and creating a ritual of honor and remembrance for the loved one who passed. It can become a place you return to, to hold your sorrow, notes written to your loved one, and can provide a sense of comfort that you have a safe-keeping for your grief.
Turning to you, I hope even one word lands in a way where you get the sense that grief is something many of us have experienced, and do experience. I hope you can try the memory box exercise and see if it helps hold and honor your grief process as you widen your heart to hold the pains and the growth, at the same time.
And if you’re looking for some one-on-one support to help you in your healing, we are here for you.
Reach out for your 15 minute consultation!
Sending healing thoughts
Kate