Heal You Inner Critic | IFS Therapy in New York

What Is the Inner Critic — Really?

You've probably been told to silence your inner critic.

To push past the negative self-talk. To overcome the voice that holds you back.

But what if that's exactly the wrong approach?

What if the voice you've been fighting is actually trying to protect you?

The Inner Critic Is Not What You Think

At its core, the inner critic isn't just self-doubt or negativity — it's a 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂. A voice that says:

"𝘗𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦."

"𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦?"

"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨?"

This voice often shows up when we're stepping toward something new — a relationship, a goal, an emotional risk. It doesn't mean you're broken. It means a protector part is trying to keep you safe.

There's even a book titled 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘔𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘎𝘰 𝘛𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺, 𝘏𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘞𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 — dedicated to the inner critic and how we navigate fear, anxiety, and the parts of us that feel overwhelmed by risk. Its core message: even fear has a function. Even criticism comes from care.

And that's where healing begins.

Before you start working with your inner critic, here's something important:

𝗜𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻?

Many people developed a fierce inner critic for a very good reason:

- You didn't grow up with consistent emotional safety

- You had to manage big feelings alone

- Criticism became a way to pre-empt rejection, danger, or failure

So if the idea of turning toward your critic feels destabilizing — or too much — that's not resistance. 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘀𝗱𝗼𝗺.

Sometimes, before we explore the critic, we need to first build safety — internally and externally. Safety in your body. Safety in relationships. Safety in your environment. Safety with a therapist or support system.

In IFS and parts work, we don't force that connection.

We wait until your system is ready — and that readiness is a form of healing, too.

Why the Inner Critic Is Not Your Enemy

You've likely seen messages like:

- "Silence your inner critic"

- "Stop negative self-talk"

- "Overcome self-sabotage"

But here's a different invitation:

𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘁. 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘁 — 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆.

The inner critic is a part of you that developed over time — often in childhood. It's shaped by your unique nervous system, your attachment history, and your experiences of safety or threat. It knows what you went through. It's not random. It's relational.

Where the Inner Critic Comes From

Let's slow down and consider where this voice might have originated.

- Maybe you had big hopes — and someone doubted you

- Maybe you needed love or attention, and it wasn't there

- Maybe you got hurt — emotionally or physically — and no one helped you process it

- Maybe you were shamed for expressing emotion

- Maybe you learned that being "too much" meant being left

These moments matter. And your inner critic took notes.

It became a kind of internal protector — guarding you from risk, rejection, or vulnerability.

𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲.

When the Inner Critic Starts to Block You

Even with the best intentions, the critic can become restrictive.

It might sound like:

- "Don't take that risk"

- "You'll fail"

- "You're not good enough"

- "Who do you think you are?"

- "You can't handle this"

These voices often come from a young part of you. They were shaped by the dynamics around you — family systems, attachment wounds, past trauma. And they often haven't been updated.

This is where parts work therapy — especially IFS (Internal Family Systems) — can help. Rather than pushing those parts away, we learn to listen, understand, and build relationship with them.

Why "Shutting It Down" Doesn't Work — And What Does

Trying to eliminate the inner critic usually leads to internal conflict. You may feel like you're battling yourself.

What if, instead, you became the leader of your inner system?

What if you gently said:

- "𝘐 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳. 𝘓𝘦𝘵'𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺."

- "𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦 — 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸."

- "𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘬𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘴."

This shift is at the heart of healing.

Updating the Inner Critic's Role

Your inner critic isn't evil. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱.

It's working from an old manual — built for survival, not thriving. That's why it often overreacts or pulls you back from growth.

What it needs is you — your present-day self — to step in and lead.

Ask yourself:

- What is this voice trying to protect me from?

- When did I first hear a message like this?

- What would it sound like if this voice trusted me more?

And try responding from your wiser self:

- "𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 — 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺."

- "𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰."

- "𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘺."

- "𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵."

This is what it means to work 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 the inner critic, not against it.

Working with Inner Voices Through IFS and Parts Work

In trauma therapy — especially approaches like IFS and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy — we understand that we are made up of many inner "parts."

- Some parts carry pain (like shame, fear, abandonment)

- Some parts try to protect us (like the inner critic, the perfectionist, the avoider)

- And some parts are simply stuck in the past

Healing comes when we learn to listen to all of them.

To lead with curiosity instead of criticism.

This is how we build internal safety — and eventually, real confidence.

Instead of exiling your inner critic, invite it in — when you're ready. Sit with it. Hear what it's afraid of. Then gently show it:

- Who you are now

- What you're capable of

- What kind of support you have

- How your life has changed

You're not a helpless child anymore. You have tools. You have wisdom. You have choice.

The more connected you are to your inner world, the more resourced and steady you become in the outer one.

If you're tired of battling your inner voices — or if you're curious about how trauma, attachment, and childhood experiences shaped your inner critic — you're not alone.

This is the kind of work we do in therapy.

Our practice offers IFS therapy, somatic trauma work, and attachment healing in New York and Long Island. Whether you're new to parts work or ready to go deeper, we're here to walk alongside you.

You don't have to silence your inner critic.

You just need to help it feel safe enough to trust you.

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗱𝘂𝗹𝗲 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.

𝘌𝘴𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘎𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘪𝘯 𝘓𝘊𝘚𝘞, 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘳, 𝘐𝘍𝘚, 𝘌𝘔𝘋𝘙 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵