Heal Social Anxiety and Anxious Attachment in New York
Social Anxiety And Anxious Attachment in New York
Anxiety Therapy in New York and Long Island
We've been talking all about Attachment Styles and how, getting to know our attachment style, we can better understand ourselves, and take a step towards improving a sense of inner security- with ourselves. And, with others.
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Remember, I want you to be able to feel more wholesome inside. Because an inch of more wholesomeness inside of yourself = more happiness and more flexibility. I want that for you.
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Today I’m going to share another real-life example using the framework I spoke about last week:
Giving words to our experiences + creating a plan to move forward.
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Meet Jacqueline* (not her real name)
Background: A woman with social anxiety
Scenario: A social event
Previously, she’d be consumed with anxiety and not be able to engage meaningfully with anyone in the room. She would leave events feeling lonely and defeated.
Attachment Style: With her new knowledge of her relational template – anxious– she was able to pause and identify how she felt.
Feelings:uncomfortable, and afraid of rejection When we feel uncomfortable, our minds often get stuck in the feeling. Identifying it helps us get out of our heads before it consumes all of our energy.
She identified: “I feel uncomfortable and sometimes, I’m so consumed with my thoughts that I can’t engage socially.” Her discomfort and inability to engage brought up feelings of past failures and of being a social misfit. Acknowledging it helped her get out of her consuming thoughts and figure out a goal.
Creating a Loop : Tolerating Uncertainty.
The Key to being able to BE.
She did some exposure and named the uncertainty that she may face. We had practiced this in our therapy sessions when we used an exposure technique to lessen anxiety, when it pops up.
She labeled it and said to herself,
"These feelings are feelings. And I don't like feeling like a failure or like a misfit. I may feel like a failure or a misfit, or I may not. Instead of reassuring myself that I will be ok, I am going to be here and take one step to engage with someone. It may go badly, and if it does, that would be awful. But It may also go well. I'm not going to avoid, I will go ahead and talk with someone for a few minutes. And then, I can leave.
Plan of action: Repeat the script. And, move the buck one step closer to socially engaging with the people around her. Taking this step is aligned with her commitment to grow her capacity to develop relationships. 5 Minute increments at a time.
If you see what she did - she did not reassure herself or promise herself it will be fine.
In our therapy work we were working on her underlying feeling of anxiety and rejection and doing deeper EMDR and Somatic Work - fso that her relational template was slowly becoming secure. But that work can take some time, and I wanted her to be able to keep growing socially, and developing relationships so her quality of life can keep getting better, bit by bit.
Anxiety Therapy New York & Long Island
Providing Long term relief WHILE providing short term relief
This is why deeper work [such as EMDR, and somatic and IFS parts work] is important, as well as behavioral and cognitive approaches that help for the here-and-now.
Obviously, this kind of work can and will look different for everyone.
Externally,if you have social anxiety, it might mean initiating one conversation with one person. It might mean finding a seat at a table where several people were already seated instead of choosing to sit alone.
And internally, it can be 1) processing pains of rejection of the past - in one on one therapy -
while 2) coming up with your own version of an exposure script that helps you engage in the discomfort of daily life. And learn to be ok - if it is either, comfortable or uncomfortable.
Tolerating the discomfort is where real freedom lies.
Grow deeper, more secure roots, and spread your branches farther out...
I know it may sound paradoxical because we want to feel calm and secure, but when it comes to anxiety, social anxiety and anxious attachment, we want to help you feel more secureinsidewhile also growing your emotional bandwidth for a rage of emotions, in the outside world, as well.
Any step towards growth - instead of avoiding - is a step in the right direction.
The Two Biggest Factors on Human Happiness
Next week, I’m going to talk more in detail about the ways we can learn to be with uncertainty and discomfort. It's essentially the secret to anyone who lives a good life - when you can master those two - well, you''l feel enabled to stretch and grow in life.
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More on that soon!
For now, sending strength and love your way.
Xxx
Esther & The Integrative Team
Living In New York or Long Island and seeking therapy for your anxiety?
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P.S. I've got one slot on my caseload for a new client - if you've been on my waitlist, go ahead and book a session here.
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