5 Ways to Start Building Better Habits
By Naami Kosofsky, LMSW
"People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their future." – F.M. Alexander
We all want to change and become better versions of ourselves. We pinpoint an area of growth and feel motivated to make the changes. Perhaps you resolve to eat healthier, go to sleep earlier, spend less time on social media, read, or meditate every day. Fast forward to the moment of truth; you lose that original motivation and tell yourself you can always start tomorrow. We often fail to meet our commitments to ourselves.
Why is it so hard to break habits and execute change over the long term?
Let's take a look at neuroscience. Inside our brains, right behind the prefrontal cortex, is an area called the Anterior Cingulate Cortex. This part of the brain is responsible for making decisions, emotional regulation, task persistence, and resisting temptations. We rely heavily on this, when we depend on our willpower.
The thing we overlook is that just like an old battery, the Anterior Cingulate Cortex gets fried after just 15 minutes of usage. Even simple tasks such as checking emails, navigating traffic, parenting our children, and deciding what to wear, depletes our willpower.
By the time we are faced with the inner conflict—to stick to our resolve or give it to temptation, we are often running low on willpower.
So if you feel like you’re not meeting your goals, and can’t seem to catch a break…take heart in knowing that you might just simply lack the mental energy required.
This phenomenon is known as the Willpower Gap. To effectively make long-term changes and to stick to our resolutions, we cannot rely on our short-lived willpower.
So how can we make habit changes and live bolder?
We need a new method.
Enter automaticity. Automaticity forms when we do something every single day, regardless of whether we are tired, hungry, or traveling, or it's raining, or we are simply not feeling it.
Automaticity is the fuel behind our daily habits, such as brushing our teeth, setting our alarm clock, or feeding the dog. Automaticity has the power to solve the Willpower Gap.
Our brains learn to partake in behavior changes on autopilot; this frees up our mental energy and allows us to focus on other things. When automaticity kicks in, our brains and bodies serve us and help us reach our goals.
So how do we build automaticity? One day at a time. We can create new strong habits by sticking to small and steady changes. Each and every action adds up, and over time we can completely change who we are and how we live our lives. I know, it is easier said than done, but check out some tips below to encourage you on your way!
5 Ways to Build Better Habits:
Break it in Half
Think about a target area you would like to improve. Then come up with a specific, measurable action to help you reach your overarching goal. For example, you may want to exercise more; you join a gym and decide to work out four times per week. Or perhaps you want to be a more attentive parent, so you decide to be more patient with your children. Now here comes the clincher, break your resolve in half.
Instead of aiming to work out four times per week, commit to working out twice a week! Rather than pledging to be more patient with your children, choose to focus on being patient while serving them breakfast. Making your objective smaller will make it easier for you to achieve. Success breeds success! Once you begin to meet your objective you will be motivated to add on a bit more, in small increments at a time.
2. Habit Stacking
Another great way to keep your commitment is by attaching it to something you already do. We all have daily habits that we may have been doing for years, brewing coffee in the morning, putting on make-up, letting out the dog, or taking a shower. These daily tasks can double as cues for the new behaviors we want to make habitual.
For example, you can get in some stomach crunches as you wait for your coffee to drip or listen to a mindfulness practice as you drive to work. Habit stacks in the morning and evening work well as bookends for your day. Adding them into a good routine can help your new habits stick.
3. Accountability Buddy
You know the old proverb – two heads are better than one! Having an accountability buddy can empower you to keep to your commitment. Find a friend, family member, or co-worker that agrees to grow with you. You can text each other when you keep to your resolve or compete to see who can keep the longest streak. Having a partner in crime who wants to work towards the same goal can motivate you to slay those resolutions.
4. Identity Shift
Begin to see yourself as the person you want to be. Attach your goal to a new identity. Seeing yourself as someone who is aligned with your goal will fuel your desire to develop habits around it. Practice saying it in the mirror: "I am someone who works out; I am fit." "I am someone who keeps my house clean; I am organized." Share this new identity with your friends and family and when introducing yourself to others.
5. Reward Yourself!
As these new habits start building, it is important to recognize your achievements. Your perseverance and grit have gotten you started, use some handy dandy positive reinforcement to keep yourself going. Reward yourself as you turn those resolutions into new habits.
Even small increments of change should be acknowledged, to motivate greater success. You can keep track of your success rate on a calendar or in your phone and do something special each time you meet a new milestone. Take the time to celebrate how your efforts are paying off and appreciate how far you've come!
Happy Habit Building!
And if you’re looking for some one on one support to help you create new habits, I am here for you!
Reach out today for your FREE 15 minute consultation.
Sending you strength,