Three Ways to Deal with Social Anxiety
Three Ways to Deal with Social Anxiety
Humans are built to seek out social settings and need socialization to survive and grow. From an evolutionary standpoint, we are inherently built to cooperate with one another.
However, sometimes we may feel better when we stay indoors and being in social settings can sometimes be incredibly overwhelming. For introverts, this preference to stay indoors is how they “recharge.” For extroverts, they fuel from the company of others. But whether you are introverted or extroverted, you still need to socialize. Being extroverted just means you prefer to socialize more in comparison to your introverted counterparts.
No matter your personality type, when we socialize we want to feel included and welcomed.
The pressure to fit in and feel accepted may leave us feeling quite the opposite.
You might find yourself getting in constant states of worry, days or even weeks before social events.
Sometimes you feel like whenever you go out you can feel the eyes of everyone around you just watching you, waiting to judge what you do next. Maybe you just don’t even bother going anymore. Or if you’re forced to go out, you might feel like it’s a successful night if you blend into the background and go unnoticed.
This fear of judgement or being scrutinized by others in social settings is defined as social anxiety.
What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety, or sometimes referred to as social phobia, is a type of anxiety disorder that can cause an individual to feel extreme fear and angst in social settings. This is not to be confused with shyness, shyness is typically short term and does not interfere with one’s life.
People with social anxiety find it extremely difficult to interact with people, meet new people, and attend social gatherings. They may understand their fears are irrational or illogical, but feel powerless to their anxiety. Social anxiety is persistent and debilitating, it can hinder us from being able to live. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) reports approximately 15 million adults have social anxiety disorder.
What Causes Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety can be caused by a combination of genetics and environmental factors. Family conflict, sexual abuse, and bullying have been labeled as negative experiences which may attributes to causing social anxiety.
How can social anxiety be displayed:
Physical symptoms:
Blushing
Nausea
Excessive sweating
Trembling or shaking
Difficulty speaking
Dizziness or lightheadedness
Rapid heart rate
Psychological Symptoms:
Excessive and intense worry about social situations for days or weeks before an event
Avoidance of social settings or attempting to blend into the background if you are forced to attend events
Worry about embarrassing yourself
Needing substances to face social settings
Missing school or work because of anxiety
Social Anxiety Impacts….
It can affect one’s ability to:
Work
Foster friendships or create a social community
Attend school
Develop Intimate Relationships
What we can do to manage our social anxiety? Here are some exercises to practice on your own.
Practice deep breathing exercises
Our breath is our most powerful tool. Studies have shown one of the best ways to manage any form of anxiety is by being connected to our breath. Deep breathing exercises activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the system of the body that is responsible for “rest and digest” - aka calming the body down. Inhale through your nose deeply using your diaphragm, hold your breath for two seconds, and then exhale through your mouth. Repeat this cycle of deep breathing for 5 inhales and 5 exhales. If you would like to practice deep breathing exercises, download the app iBreathe for timed breathing exercises. Breathing exercises are a great tool to add to your self care routine.
2. Combat negative thinking with positive self talk
The way we speak to ourselves defines what we believe we can accomplish. If we are constantly worrying about what others think of us or over analyzing social interactions, we start to spiral into a circle of self doubt. Self talk is a powerful tool to combat negative emotions and make us feel more confident while approaching new people, settings, or situations. People who practice self talk are said to be more confident and live happy and healthier lives. Instead of saying “I know they are going to think I’m a loser and they don’t want to talk to me,” try saying “I have not met them yet and they might like me once I introduce myself.”
3. Begin to practice healthy interpersonal skills
If you are struggling with social anxiety, talk to someone you feel comfortable with about your fears. Talking things out helps us to make our fears less debilitating. Practice being more assertive and communicating your needs with others in a calm and relaxed manner, while respecting the needs of others. This typically is expressed in the form of “I” statements - “I feel hurt when I take the time to express my ideas to you and you don’t listen.” When we shut down and do not express our feelings, we close the door towards an opportunity that may help us grow. Try to write down some goals for yourself of new things you would like to try and make small steps towards that goal.
Socializing is a basic human need.
If you struggle with socializing and it is interfering with your daily life, it may be time to seek a therapist who specializes in attachment, anxiety, relationship and trauma related issues.
At Integrative Psychotherapy we help clients engage in therapy so they can feel more comfortable in their skin and have better relationships.
We offer talk therapies, narrative therapies, somatic therapies and other scientific based methods such as EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Internal Family Systems/ Parts work, and Expressive Arts.
Reach out today for your free 15 minute consultation to see how we can help you feel better.
Sending gentle wishes your way.
Until next time,
Xx
Esther & The Integrative Team
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Sources Used:
https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-social-anxiety-disorder-3024836
https://www.verywellmind.com/social-anxiety-disorder-tips-3024209