Why Do I feel So Blue? 4 Tips to Help You Get Through the Winter Holiday Months
By Corey Fisk
The last few leaves are falling off the trees while the days are becoming shorter.
I have been experiencing a shift in my energy as I prepare for the winter and the colder New York air. I wanted to take a moment to recognize that there are many different emotional facets to this time. As I sit down to write this, I am reflecting on my own experience of the holidays. I have this surge of task oriented energy with a desire to slow down and be present. It’s confusing, complex, and overwhelming.
It’s the holidays.
In a recent team meeting at Integrative Psychotherapy, we were talking about both the light and dark of Thanksgiving; there is a gathering of friends and family on the backdrop of horrendous historical acts. We explored how it is possible to hold both truths; it got me thinking about how the holidays are packaged as this gloriously cheerful time, but in reality it’s quite emotionally complicated. I wanted to write down a few helpful strategies on how to recognize your limits during this time and how to best care for yourself.
4 Tips for the holidays:
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1} Prepare ~
Taking some time to do proactive emotional front loading could make a world of difference. If possible, I would recommend taking stock of what holidays have been like for you historically. What are the nuts and bolts: where am I going, who will I be with, how will I get there? After the foundation is built, preparing ahead of time for any potential stressors, such as setting boundaries with an aunt who historically leaves you feel vulnerable so you are not caught off guard.
2} Autonomic Self Soothing ~
Your body is such a wise member of your greater system, and is constantly picking up on things and responding often before the mind does. Developing bodily self awareness can be key in intervening before a situation becomes too overwhelming. I would be aware of your go to self soothing strategies, such as nailing biting or picking, hair twirling, phone scrolling, dazing out, etc. It looks different for everyone! Becoming familiar with your specific style of autonomic self soothing will cue you in that something is rocking you off balance- it could be relational or environmental.
This would be the sweet spot to engage in something positive to bring you back towards a place of regulation. Perhaps excuse yourself to go to the bathroom or to go for a walk. Maybe you are hungry, tired, thirsty, or the environment is too loud and overwhelming. This is a way to recognize your limits, and the limits of those around you.
3} Ask for help~
Again, is it normal to be overwhelmed during this time! Having an ally to help you through certain triggering situations can be extremely helpful. Perhaps you have a family or friend at the gathering that you feel comfortable with. Have a conversation before hand- “Is it okay if you are my home base for this evening?” Maybe it can be someone you call or text to remind yourself that you have someone on your team. Pets can also be quite helpful during periods of stress. If you are unable to chose a personal ally, identifying a mental health hotline that can be used as a touchstone if the feeling becomes too unbearable.
4} Holidays for YOU~
Be careful not to lose the YOU in all of the holiday festivities. Pencil in some time to do an activity that seems recuperative to you. Perhaps that looks like doing something creative, sneaking in a quick gym session, snuggling up and reading a book, or sleeping in a little later than you usually would. The holidays can be a recuperative time if one is mindful about it.
Setting boundaries with the people in our lives to make space for self care can be challenging. Using “I” language such as “this is the gift that I am giving myself this holiday season” as opposed to “You are all so much!” can reduce conflict. No matter way you go about it, creating space to engage in activities that align with your values is a nourishing experience.
Developing boundary skills and self awareness is easier said than done..
…And these four strategies are not going to solve every holiday challenge that arise (though that would be amazing!) The reality is that the holidays are a bunch of things in rapid succession: joy, sadness, anxiety, overwhelmed, financially complicated, exhausting, and nourishing. Preparing yourself to ride the holiday wave towards the end of 2021 is a small gift that you can give yourself. From my heart to yours, I wish you well this holiday season.
Sending warmth and compassion
~~ Corey and the Integrative Team