10 Steps for Abandonment Healing

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Anxiety, Trauma and Abandonment healing in Cedarhurst in the Five Towns of Long Island, NY.

Want to relieve some symptoms related to abandonment + emotional neglect and replace those spaces with warmth, a sense of “connectedness” and feeling of stability?

If you’ve resonated with the any of the symptoms described in my previous blog, you can experience relief starting right now. Read the below tips to help with your healing right now.

10 Steps for a Abandonment Recovery

1) Take Responsibility.

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Make your healing your responsibility. Yes others may have hurt you, but this is your life, and the more important you make your healing, the farther you’ll get and the better life will be. Taking accountability is the opposite of self-abandonment, it is the way to self-embodiment and self-care.

2)Structure.

Structure breeds Stability. Manage your time and you’ll be managing your daily stressors. Sculpt activities into your daily life routine; supportive others, friends, family, support groups, therapy, art class, or a hobby that’s rejuvenating. Set limits around you work-life balance so you ensure that your personal time is replenishing.

3) Self Validate.

As you become aware of how your issues are related to your past experiences, validate, validate, validate. Why is self validation primal to your healing? If you don’t self validate, you’ll be dragging your “seeking validation self” to anyone who will listen to you, unconsciously seeking their approval and validation. If you throughly self validate on a daily basis, you can ask others for support, but it isn’t from the same desperation for them to grasp the intensity of your emotional experience. You feel stronger, and friends can be there for you in the way friends are meant to.

4) Connect with the present moment + Stay There.

The best way to building a better present + future? Staying in the moment. Pains, trauma, disappointment and emotional scars all steal the experience of simply being in the experience of life. You can find safety by slowing down and getting connected to the simplicity of the present moment. Notice thoughts or feelings, watch them pass like clouds, and then bring your focus back to there here and now and whatever you are doing, or how you’re being.

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5) Transform Pain to Possibility.

Some of the most powerful, impactful people I know have used their pain to create, to change, to offer something new for themselves and then for others. Put your suffering to energize something constructive. Take the passion and energy to commit to living a healthy life + learning and practicing and modeling healthier connections with others.

6) Feelings VS Facts

Know the difference between a feeling and a fact. Emotions can come over you and overwhelm, but remember, feelings are temporary. Check the facts when you notice emotional overwhelm, and bring yourself back to your core.

7) Dare Despair + Dig In

Feelings such as despair, helplessness or hopeless may come up. Check in and see if its a fear from a younger part of self or the part of self that experienced the loss, and orient to reality. Look despair in the face and see what’s beneath it. Do you need some space to grieve, to talk or to get some extra support? Do you need a reminder that you are no longer as vulnerable as you were when you were younger? Dive in and see what’s beneath, but don’t get wiped off the shore with the despair wave.

8) Stretch Your Emotional RubberBand.

Emotional neglect is primarily about emotions being shut down, and experiences being ignored, dynamics being minimized and processes being rushed. Notice your daily feelings, reactions, urges and words you choose to use. Challenge some of your limits and see if you can slow down + stretch what you’re used to. Challenge your limits. Say that kind compliment, stay in the uncomfortable moment, allow the other to finish their piece, even if you’re not used to it. Ask for what you truly need, even though its a sliver more vulnerable than you’re used to. Ask that person out even if they might reject you. The more you stretch that band, the more “bandwidth” your life can experience. These are the steps to nurturing emotional experience and building emotional intelligence.

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9)Heal the Old Wounds + Dive into the Triggers

Triggers of today are actually clues to letting you know where the hurt is. Your child needs more time with you and you’re feeling trapped? Your partner wants to share more with you and you’re stepping back? You’re ready for a big project at work but you’re starting to spaz out? Peel away the defense and look at what the clue is about. Your wounding is most often in that exact place. Get curious, and with a trauma informed therapist, you can do the work to identify + offer healing to those exact spaces. Once you process the past hurt, loss, abandonment or pains, you can show up fully. Healing the exact trigger areas is what allows for more meaning, more joy, more love and more authentic connections.


10)Rebirth Your Self

In order to change and heal fully, you’ll need to make some changes. You can no longer stick to what you’ve been doing as it’s clearly not working. You’ll challenge some thoughts, strengthen your self esteem and slowly transform your sense of identity. You have the power to heal and to re-own who you are and what your path is on this life.

You’re the biggest component in the positive growth you’ll experience. Choose to rebirth as you heal the past wounds. As you move through the healing, choose to let go of the weights of anger, and the trappings of grief. You may see a more beautiful, deep life than ever before imagined possible.

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As humans, when we break, we shatter. When we shatter we get to choose to sit in the brokenness or break through the blockages and climb out of the the murky waters.

Broken is beautiful when you allow it to birth something richer, something different, something powerful.

And then suddenly, broken isn’t broken anymore, it’s simply something different.

And suddenly you’re on a new platform of life, seeing, being, doing things you never imagined you’d do.

Seeking to deepen your healing and recovery from emotional wounds? If you live anywhere in Long Island, New York, in Nassau or near my office in Cedarhurst, reach out here so we can help you starting today!