Don't Give Up Before The Miracle
"Please don't give up before the miracle", I whispered to myself. But I wasn't sure my whisper was as low as I thought it was.
The confirmation of my doubt came just a few seconds late when I heard a tap tap on my office door. I took one more sip of my cinnamon latte and walked to the door. John*, the client who had just ended session with me a few minutes prior, was standing there.
"Hey Esther, as I left the room, I heard you mumble something under your breath, did it have anything to do with me?"
He looked at me, a look mixed of curiosity, hope and wonder. And also, a tad perplexed.
"Oof", I said. "I guess my whisper isn't that quiet after all", I shared with a little smile coming to my face.
"I did mumble something, but I wasn't sure if I should share it with you, but since you came back, I'll take it as serendipitous and I'll share..."
He looked at me with a goofy smile. The kind he would get when his worries soften and relief washes over him. "I whispered "Don't give up before the miracle", I shared.
He looked at me and I could tell he wanted more context.
"John*, you seem emotionally depleted and like you want to throw the towel in. And, if you do, for a day, or even a week, I would totally get it, and support you. It's been so draining.
“And also, I am seeing shifts in your life in such a big way that I want you to hold on for the miracles that are coming around the corner.”
"Not "miracles" as in magic, but miracles as in shifts that come when we stay steady; and I'm seeing the shifts and I have a part of me that hopes you'll stay the course.
I know it's daunting and challenging and so darn tiresome. And, I also know you're in the right direction; so much has shifted since we've begun working together. And I hope you can see the bigger picture, when things get scary or really uncomfortable."
--
”I didn't want to say this to you, because I want to honor your process and space…
And, I also see so much shifting , hat I whispered this to myself after you left, as I was thinking about Melissa (his wife) and how much more present you are with her, and your daughter Samantha, since just a few months ago.”
John looked up at me. His face, pensive for a long minute. He seemed deep in thought, as if digesting what I had just shared, deciding if what I was sharing was, truly, accurate.
“Hmm, Esther. I didn’t think about that. I guess I just feel so stressed about the reality of this upcoming week. The endless task list, the grind of daily life. But I guess it’s also important for me to zoom out. I just get stuck like my nose is pressed against the window, and I get worried, panicked and fearful.”
He looked up and asks:
“How can I see the big picture of how things are actually shifting, when I am in the daily grind of life?”
I replied to him and gave him some input personal to the way his mind worked. Personalized tools are helpful for a mindset shift as we commit to doing the deeper work as well.
—
Now dear reader, it’s so normal, for us as humans, to get stuck in our fears, wondering if the work we’re doing in therapy or in self development is actually working. Especially when we’ve been stuck in a pattern, or engaged in a way of thinking or behaving for a while, it can feel tricky to know if shifts are actually happening.
And when it comes to neuroscience, it takes time for new neural networks to develop. When we make changes, it also takes time for the body to catch up to what the mind knows.
In John’s example, due to being in therapy and his new choices, his brain was shifting, his neural networks were firing new ways of being. He had come in to therapy so that he could work on his anxiety and childhood trauma, as it was coming in the way of him being a present husband.
He would get easily irritated with his wife, and was on his phone within 5 min of spending time with his daughter. His emotional triggers and emotional flashbacks would be overwhelming and so he would easily dissociate or shut down.
Committed to shifting this, and developing a healthier relationship with his wife and daughter, he began anxiety and trauma therapy. And, we were seeing shifts. Some, significant and some, more subtle.
But in the bigger picture, there were some really big shifts we were both seeing. His daughter was telling him more about her day, his wife was complaining less - as she felt he was more connected.
And this is why I whispered “Don’t give up before the miracle”. I knew that what John was going through is a very common thing that we go through in life, as humans and especially as clients in therapy.
We begin making shifts, we do the hard work of inner healing and take stock of our lives.
Often, we start feeling better, and worse, at the same time.
Here’s why:when we are less checked- out of life, we start feeling our pain, our grief and disappointments on a new level. And that’s what propels us to make shifts and get healthier.
No, we don’t fixate on the pain, but rather, we make space for all emotions, the good, the hard, the scary.
And though it’s uncomfortable, it’s the only way to true health and healing.
But often, we think that getting better means feeling good. And that is why we need reminders that getting better means a lot of things - a lot of feelings - that all point us in the right direction. So my dear friend, take this blog as a reminder for you, if you’re needing one right now. Keep going. It gets hard and then it gets easier. It really does.
The miracle I was referring to for John was - being present in his life and feeling the joy and satisfaction he was desiring.
He was well on his way. Yes, his own pains and past hurts were being kicked up, as life has a way of triggering unresolved emotions.
At the same time, his emotional capacity was growing exponentially.
And that was huge for him, especially coming from a family-of-origin that had very little capacity for feeling or being with feelings.
John looked at me as he headed out, “Thank you Esther, I’m so glad you shared this last sentence. I’m happy I overheard it.”
I am glad he was able to hear it and take it in. Sometimes, we are not ready to hear that we are doing good work or that there is progress taking place. Sometimes, we just need a place to share and be validated for our experience. And sometimes, we can also zoom out and be reminded of the miracles that are starting to take place.
Now, turning to you, my dear friend, tell me this, do you relate to John?
Are you working hard in therapy or in your life, and wondering if it’s worth it?
Do you feel like you're waiting on a miracle?
Or, do you see a loved-one doing the "heavy lifting in life" and want to remind them to keep going because you know that a shift is just around the bend, waiting to meet them?
If this is you or a loved one, I want to remind you that all the people who get far in life - in emotional health, in work life, in parenting and in physical health, all keep going.
Yes, even when the going gets tough, or, especially when the going gets tough.
Zoom out and see where you are today, 2025. And reflect on where you were sitting and who you were with [or not with ] a year ago. Two years ago. Five years ago. Please don’t give up before your miracle.
Your miracle may be clarity on your marriage or relationship.
It may be your child responding to your new parenting approach that’s more attentive.
It may be feeling the relief from your anxiety, trauma or depression, or it may be landing that job, role, promotion or sale you’ve been hoping for.
Or, you may be resolving defenses, or working on boundaries, so you can invite better relationships, like John.
Remember, just like it takes work to strengthen a muscles at the gym, neural networks solidify over time and when we are consistent, we see results.
Yes, you may tweak your goals along the way, but when you’re persistent, miracles do happen.
Now, look inward and think on this:
What’s your miracle you refuse to give up on?
I’ll be here cheering you on and trusting, right alongside you.
Sending Love,
Esther & The Integrative Team