Back to School Parenting Prep During Coronavirus

BACK TO SCHOOL PARENTING PREP

It’s almost September, and for many, that means back to school, in some format or another.

If you are a parent, this latest transition may be highlighting how much the world has changed, not just for you, but also for your child(ren) over the last few months. 

In preparing for the upcoming days and weeks ahead, you may be wondering how you can prepare your children to feel more confident and skilled in facing the, yet again, new reality that will present as the beginning of the school year. This year will have many new challenges and we have to be somewhat prepared to predict the unpredictable as the seasons shift.

In this world of unknowns and uncertainties, we are meant to be the “know it alls’ for our kids. But sometimes, we just don't know. 

But even when we don't know, we often have books, mentors and data to back us up and we can therefore provide a certain sense of stability and wisdom that helps our kids feel steady even through all the changes.

The added challenge now is that we are facing unknowns together with our kids. We can't sit them down on the sofa and say “when I was young, I had something like this too, and this is what my mom/dad said to me to try to make me feel better”. There is no precedent in our lifetime. Many of us are forced to act in ways that will provide routine and stability for our children even when our own foundation is compromised.

So how then can we show up for our children when what we really need is to show up for ourselves?

All I can say is baby steps. There are ways you can self-parent and parent at the same time. But the important thing is not to beat yourself up about the imperfect and afraid moments. If we can commit to a few basics, there can still be a sense of basic stability - rather than fear -  in your home even if you are not in your game.

Tips for you, my dear fellow parent

1. Normalize proper hygiene:

Encourage hand washing often, have some fun with it by singing a song or telling some jokes while they wash. Singing the ABCs is a good gauge for the length of time needed to kill germs effectively. Establish consistent house rules about hand washing, including every time before family members leave home and come into the home from outside, after going to the bathroom, and before and after eating. The important thing is not to make your children afraid of germs, but rather, excited about the process of staying hygienic.

2. Play it out:

Using play or reading books to address the changes in school due to Covid-19 can make it feel more natural instead of a “big scary thing”.  Dependent on age level, you can use toys, dolls, lego or action figures to play out how they are adjusting to or managing the public health crisis. This can be a “we need to wear our masks” or, we are fighting a battle against this virus by heading to space, or drawing how big or little the virus looks for the animals or play figures. You can also take some play doh and create the virus, and create a wall around the virus that protects people (such as safety steps we are all taking). 

3. Re-Start a Reading regiment:

Keep reading to younger children and encourage older children to read books of their choice. If you have not already, this is a good time to establish a quiet, designated learning area in your home for your child. Reading now is a good way to get your  kids back into a learning routine and adjusted to the new normal.

And on the topic of reading, you can use some books as tools to simplify and normalize the changes your children will notice and be faced with. Here are two books I’ve found really helpful and suggest.

A Unique Start From 6 Feet Apart: A Book About Returning to the Classroom During a Pandemic

Going Back to School During Coronavirus

Back to School Health and Safety for Children in Kindergarten and First Grade 

4. Review social skills:

During this time of social isolation, millions of children have paused socializing and playdates with their peers and friends. While this was essential for health reasons and to help slow the spread of the virus at the time, many professionals are now concerned that antisocial behaviors will flood the school systems. Now that students can go back into classrooms with their peers, we have to assume that they will need to be reoriented a bit. It’s important to be proactive and actually teach or review prosocial skills. If your child has been mostly isolated until now, before school starts again, you might want to try choosing a family you know and trust to have a physically distanced picnic at the school playground or a local park. Most children will bounce back to socializing, but it’s not a given, and it might be helpful for them to have parent support at first, before school starts.

5. Get back to a routine:

Getting back into a routine a few days before school starts - as much as possible - will be incredibly helpful in your child's ability to transition smoothly. This includes regular wake-up times, getting dressed each morning (not in clean pajamas), regular meal times, playtimes, ipad time and bedtime routines. Many children have been on a different sleep schedule throughout the pandemic and their bodies are used to getting up later in the morning. You can incrementally start pushing up bedtime over time, to soften the transition. Do your best to be consistent on bedtime routine - and keep electronics away at least 2-3 hours before bedtime.

6. Have COVID conversations:

Yes, being open is better than avoiding, because they will hear things from someone else. Having open, age-appropriate conversations with your children will help them know they are not alone, that we do not have all the answers, that flexibility is very important in this time of COVID-19, and that scientists, health experts, parents, teachers and other leaders are doing everything possible to ensure their health and safety. You can say something like “the world has changed a lot, and the goods news is that, so have we. Things change in life, and we are ok because we are doing whatever we can to be sure we are healthy, strong and growing, together”. You can also say “do you have any questions for me about covid or anything else?” so they can ask anything that is on their mind. For some tips for child-friendly convos about covid, read here. 

7. Together, we can do this:

Let your kids know you are in this with them, as are their friends, teachers, neighbors and doctors. Talk with your children and help them understand that anyone can get the virus, no matter where they are from in the world - even if they take all the necessary precautions. This is important to reduce any potential stereotypes and ensure compassion and equity in the classroom and beyond.

8. Prepare for anxiety (and separation anxiety)

It’s only normal for your children to experience some level of anxiety. It may be a low grade nervousness of starting a new schedule, acclimating to the academic pressures or re-engaging in the social dynamics at play. There may also be new, unknown anxieties that are present for your child who is not usually the “anxious” type or for any child who is sensitively and exquisitely aware of the realities around us. 

One specific worry that may come up is separation anxiety. This doesn't only apply for little children and playdates, but also for children who are in elementary school, middle school or high school. After having spent so many months together and cozying up with family, your child may be concerned about the length of time being away from home or having distance from those he/she/they spent time with on the daily. 

The best thing to do is to open a conversation about going back to school and come up with some strategies and skills to help your child acclimate. 

A lunch box note, or photo of a favorite pet or family can help!

You may want to leave an extra note in your child’s lunchbox wishing them a good day, a sticker with a smiley face or a “you can do it” post it. You can also offer them to bring  an item with them such as their lucky charm, a family photo or a picture of their favourite animal, to look at when they are feeling a bit uneasy. 

A great book for children (and adults) who need a reminder about the concept of staying connected and being loved by others, even when they are far apart is called “The Invisible String, It’s a book I recommend all parents to have in their home. As well,  the The Kissing Hand is a great book.

9. Be emotionally present and attuned:  

Yes, we all know that being present and connected to our children is the biggest asset and wisest move. So although it goes without say that being present is necessary, I will repeat it here as this time of year and this phase of life is so important - when schools are reopening and children are faced with a  lot of “new” realities. Trauma and anxiety happen when children are not prepared for newness that they are going to be presented with.

You can help reduce the risks of anxiety by addressing all the possible changes, in a very matter of fact, but thorough and clear fashion.

It’s always better for kids to hear information and news from their parents than from other children, as you have the ability to share it in a more hopeful, and grounded fashion so that when they “re-hear” the info, they already have the facts down pat and don’t need to panic because “charlie in my class said the world is coming to an end”. 

Being attuned also means to be ready and expecting some behavioral and emotional changes in your children. You can anticipate some added acting out or less patience and some difficulty regulating their moods- in younger children. You may find the older children and teens are somewhat more withdrawn and quiet, or, on the opposite spectrum, very chattery these days. 

Ensure times for connecting, laughing, complaining and good ol’ chatting.

A good time to connect is over family dinners, walks outside and bedtime- where you get to have some heart to heart pillow talk about what may be on your child’s mind. Children are always sharing with us how they are doing, we just need to be attuned. They may not want to discuss covid, but they may want you to hear about their day and the joys and frustrations. When you make sure to have some one-on-one connection you are providing a secure connection and offering safety to your child which helps them know they have someplace to come to when anything bubbles up. 

10. Contact with Teacher in Advance

If you know your child has been sensitive or if going to struggle with adapting, I strongly urge you to call the teacher or guidance counselor and ask them to be on the lookout for your child. It can’t hurt to know that there is an extra set of eyes checking in on your child. And, if you know any of the staff in school who your child/ren know, have them check in on your child and let them know they are there if they need anything. These small check in’s can be stabilizing and reassuring.

If your child is still struggling….

And, if in a few weeks time you’ve done all you can and you are noticing a child is still struggling, I would take a step closer and see what you can do to help. If they seem fatigued, irritable, are socially isolating, are bedwetting, have psychosomatic stomach aches, have a hard time focusing or are having significant lower levels of energy, it may be wise to reach out for some professional help. Sign them up with the school guidance counselor for weekly check ins, sign them up for a support group or get them some one-on-one counseling in your community. 

At our practice, we have wonderful therapists who are highly skilled and have been treating children with anxiety or worries and fears that have been coming up due to corona or some other emotional stressors. We are here for you and your family. Good counseling has helped many of our clients adjust with a lot more ease and skill.

Turning back to you.. please remember…

This is a new time for all of us; adults, seniors, children, toddlers and all ages in between. As parents, we can do our very best and let our kids know we are learning how to navigate this time, right alongside them. 

When we show up as best we can and do our best, I am sure we will do good by our kids, and even help them learn how to build some resilience and creative skills from navigating times like these. You may even find that you get to know your children better because of the extra attention you are giving them these days. 

Here is your “star parent” award …(yes, you do deserve one).

If you’re one of those stellar parents {which you are, because you got to the end of this blog} who has already been implementing all of these and are planning on continuing to do so, I am here patting you on the shoulder. Though your child may not be giving you a  “star parent” award (just yet..), you definitely deserve one.

X

Esther