The 2020 Thanksgiving Playbook: A Teen Survival Guide
The 2020 Thanksgiving Playbook: A Teen Survival Guide
This article was written by a gifted, wise and skilled guest writer, Chaim Samet. Chaim is a graduate student who is pursuing his studies in Mental Health Counseling and we are so grateful for this contribution.
Thanksgiving is not always pleasant, even when we are supposed to be all grateful for everything.
For some, it can be a time when you receive unwanted hugs and kisses, are forced to sit at the table with adults, and must deal with the anxiety of it all (and sometimes even miss important football games).
This year, more than ever, Thanksgiving will be really tough.
You have been on virtual classes for much of the year and all you wanted to do is chill with friends. Yet, parents have been prohibiting you from hanging out: why? “because you don’t know who is carrying covid...”
Doesn’t this make you frustrated or angry?
How are adults able to go out and work, but teenagers are not allowed to go out and spend time with friends? Parents seem to be contradicting themselves and sometimes even seem hypocritical with their reasons.
Now you are forced to join the annual Thanksgiving, family party.
Your Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and Grandparents might all be at the party and you have to go as well. Wait, does “possibly carrying covid” all of the sudden not count anymore?! Moreover, we are all eating together and sharing a space. Haven’t we been told not to do that?
Sometimes we have to attempt to understand what exactly our parents want from us.
For example, why do Mom and Dad pretend and make up stories about how we are a perfect family, or force us to behave at the table? Having to sit through the dinner table and listen to the drunk adults discussing the most boring topics, is pretty much like getting grounded. Additionally, you probably feel like vomiting when everyone gets to hug and give you wet kisses (at least this year it [hopefully] won’t be a thing).
Going to Thanksgiving parties can even stir up serious social anxiety.
Having to dodge questions about school and repeating yourself multiple times to people asking the same questions over and over again might make you feel like going insane. Not only that, people are all talking at the same time and they all think you are paying attention to them… so when three people ask you a question at the same time it’s so awkward (mostly because you weren’t actually paying attention to any of them).
All you want to do is be with friends or play video games, but certainly not attend the dreadful family get together.
Imagine if your parents told you at the beginning of the Thanksgiving party, “don’t worry, go hang with your friends tonight, go watch the football game or play video games.” Ahhh… we can dream, can’t we?
It’s not an unattainable dream. This could be you!
By understanding what parent’s want, you can save yourself from this never-ending party of discomfort.
Here is a simple guide that will help you experience the Thanksgiving you really want:
Communicate
Prepare in advance
Negotiate
Create a satisfying plan
Communicate: Oftentimes, parents are clueless as to what they are putting you through. They are having fun and getting drunk with family, but you have to sit there miserable. Therefore, speak with your parent’s a week before Thanksgiving and tell them that Thanksgiving is a really difficult time for you. Each day leading up to the Thanksgiving dinner, briefly bring up this topic in a respectable manner. This will gradually make them feel comfortable with you not having to attend the dinner, or maybe devise an exit plan with them (if you show your face at the beginning and end people might think you were there the whole time). Explain how bothersome it is to be at the table and ask if you can be excused from the party. You can even excite your parents by getting them involved in the strategy. Like you can tell them to text you when it’s almost over so you can pop back in at just the right time to say goodbye to your great aunt Bessie who slobbers when she kisses you.
Prepare in advance: Many parents want to take pride in raising you. Subsequently, they might force you to help out and sit quietly at the table to make them look good in public. Therefore, if you can present yourself in a way which makes your parents proud in the public setting, then you can get off the hook. Ask your parent’s, “are there chores I can do to help out before or at the beginning of the party – because I want to make you feel proud (and be able to leave early?)” The idea is, when family members see you helping, they will complement your parent’s; consequently, causing them to feel pride in raising you.
Negotiate: At this point, you have gone through the steps and know what your parent’s want. This is the key point of the GUIDE – negotiate with your parent’s about how being excused from the party is more beneficial for them than making you stay. For example, if you can tell them how permitting you to leave early will motivate you to help out around the house or work harder at school, then they might feel inclined to give you what you want. Furthermore, ask your parent’s what exactly it is they would like you to do at the party, and then negotiate a time period in which you will do exactly that... but then you get to be excused (“going to the bathroom” is a great exit strategy).
(Note: if your family usually travels away for the Thanksgiving party, see if you can use these steps to totally be excused from going. If this is not an option, then use the guide to help you cope with having to stay. Maybe your parent’s will allow you to play Fortnite or watch Netflix after 1-hour of “showing up at the table” and making your parents proud.)
Create a satisfying plan: Sometimes parents are fearful of the comment’s others might make about their children. That is why creating a satisfying plan will get you what you need and, simultaneously, satisfy your parent’s. Meaning, if your parents are confident that you will stick to your part of the deal, they are more likely to go along with it. Find out what exactly will satisfy your parent’s: Do they want you to help serve at the Thanksgiving table? Would possibly giving a small speech about how wonderful the family is, and how great your parents are, satisfy them? Asking your parents about what they specifically want from you is most helpful.
Although this guide can help you scheme your way out of attending the dinner, know that these steps can be useful in any situation.
Understanding others and communicating what you want can get you through any challenging situation. These methods are intended to help you cope and comprehend the underlying desires people have.
At integrative Psychotherapy, we will teach and guide you how to experience a completely different life. With our help and training, you will get more of what you always wanted while learning how to compromise with your parents.
If you’re ready to engage in some one-on-one healing, reach out today. We are here to help you!