Her Left Foot Pointed to the Exit Every Time Someone Said "I Like You"

"My last date? I scheduled it for 11 PM at a wine bar that closed at midnight," Sophia told me, laughing through her tears.

"I gave him exactly 45 minutes. Told him if it went well, maybe we could schedule something next quarter." She shook her head.

"He texted later that he should have run. Instead, he said I was “intriguing but concerning'".

Three months after that, Sophia was in my somatic therapy New York office, finally ready to understand why she approached romance like a hostile takeover

—minimize risk, maximize control, execute with precision.

"I've dated 39 men in two years. I enjoy it at the beginning, but the moment someone actually likes me, I... disappear."

When Your Body Has an Exit Strategy | A Somatic Therapy Approach

"What happens when you talk about the last man who really liked you," I wondered.

As Sophia began speaking, I watched her body.

Her left foot subtly angled toward the door.

Her shoulders rotated away.

Her breathing moved up to her chest— her body braced - ready to flee.

"Your body is already leaving," I observed gently.

She froze. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. But notice your left foot." I said.

She looked down, stunned. Her foot was indeed pointed toward the exit.

"It's like my body has an escape plan I didn't even know about."

This is what somatic therapy reveals—the unconscious choreography of our defenses. In my somatic therapy NYC practice, I see how bodies tell the truth even when minds create elaborate stories.

When Reaching for Love Sends “Danger Cues”: Understanding Attachment Through the Body

"When did love become dangerous?" I asked.

She laughed but there was a tinge of bitterness.

"Love was never safe. My mother loved me so much she wouldn't let me breathe. It was smothering. My father expressed love by 'protecting' us and didn’t let us socialize or explore. I learned that love is synonymous with claustrophobia. I don’t want to love if it means losing myself.”

Her body had learned the equation early:

Emotional Intimacy = Trapped.

Here’s how we work with it, but processing the somatic experience held in the body, using somatic therapy.

What is somatic therapy? Somatic therapy is the practice of updating these body-based equations.

Of teaching the nervous system that what was true at age 8 doesn't have to be true at 38.

Somatic Therapy NYC: Tracking the Micro-Movements of Avoidance

During our somatic therapy sessions, I tracked Sophia's avoidance patterns:

- The subtle lean back when discussing feelings

- The way her eyes would dart to her phone (escape route #1)

- How her body tensed at the word "relationship"

- The protective crossing of arms when someone expressed interest

"I feel like I'm watching someone else's body," she said one day, observing herself in the mirror. "Like I'm a stranger to myself."

This dissociation is what somatic therapy addresses—the split between mind and body that keeps us safe, but disconnected.

The Spreadsheet of Loneliness

"Show me the spreadsheet, the one where you track your dates" I asked one session.

She pulled up her laptop, revealing columns: Name, Date, Time Spent, Red Flags, Compatibility Score, Follow-up Y/N.

"Where's the column for how you felt?" I asked.

Silence.

"I... I don't know how I felt. I know how I acted. How they responded. But feel? My body goes numb on dates. Like I'm floating above, directing a movie about love instead of living it."

This is what somatic therapy NYC sessions reveal—how we can “optimise” everything except our capacity to be present.

Learning to Stay: Somatic Therapy for Attachment

We started with micro-doses of connection:

The 30-Second Experiment:

- Make eye contact with yourself in the mirror

- Notice the urge to look away

- Stay 5 seconds past comfortable

- Track what happens in your body

"It's excruciating," Sophia reported. "My chest gets tight. My foot starts tapping. Every cell wants to run."

"What if that discomfort is just your body remembering being 8?" I suggested.

"What if somatic therapy is about teaching your body it's safe to be seen now?"

Here’s another tool we used: The Anchoring Practice:

- Both feet flat on floor during conversations

- Feel your sit bones on the chair

- One hand on heart, feeling the rhythm

- Notice when you start to float away, gently return.

The Date That Changed Everything

Eight months into our somatic therapy NYC work, Sophia met James at a bookstore. No app. No optimization. No 45-minute time limit.

"He asked me to dinner, and I heard myself say yes.

Real dinner. Not a drink. Not coffee. Dinner."

During the date, she felt her foot start its familiar turn toward the door.

"But then I remembered what we practiced. I pressed both feet into the floor. Felt my breath. And I asked him about his favorite book."

"How did that feel?"

Tears streamed down her face. "Terrifying. And... alive. Like I was actually there instead of hovering above my life."

What Is Somatic Therapy? The Body's Journey Back to Healthy Love

Somatic therapy for avoidant attachment isn't about forcing yourself to stay. It's about:

- Learning to recognize your body's escape patterns

- Understanding these patterns as outdated protection

- Gently expanding your window of tolerance for intimacy

- Discovering that presence doesn't mean annihilation

Six months later, Sophia was still seeing James.

"We had our first fight last week," she told me, smiling through tears. "And I didn't run. My foot pointed toward the door, but I kept it planted. I stayed in the discomfort. We worked it out."

"What happened to the spreadsheet?"

"Deleted.

“Turns out you can't optimize your way into love.

You have to feel your way there." she said with a glimmer in her eyes.

The Courage to Be Seen: What Somatic Therapy NYC Offers

In my somatic therapy practice, I see brilliant, successful people who've mastered everything except staying present for love. They've optimized their careers, their health, their homes—everything except their capacity for intimate connection.

What is somatic therapy for these high-achieving avoiders?

It's learning that:

- Your body's exit strategies once saved you

- Those same strategies now keep you from what you most want

- You can update your nervous system's programming

- Love doesn't require perfection, just presence

For Everyone Who Schedules Love Like a Business Meeting…

If you're reading this between dates, exhausted from performing connection rather than feeling it—your body knows the way home.

Somatic therapy NYC can help you:

- Recognize your unique avoidance patterns

- Learn to stay present when every cell says run

- Develop capacity for messy, real intimacy

- Trust that being seen won't destroy you

Your spreadsheet can't calculate chemistry. Your optimization can't manufacture intimacy.

Your body already knows how to love—it just needs to remember it's safe.

Ready to learn how to stay?

I offer specialized somatic therapy New York sessions for high-achievers ready to risk real connection.

Because you deserve love that doesn't fit in a spreadsheet.

Schedule a consultation to explore somatic therapy NYC: [Contact here]

*Both in-person somatic therapy NYC and virtual sessions available.*

Esther Goldstein LCSW

Certified Sensorimotor Psychotherapist

Specializing in Somatic Therapy for Attachment and Intimacy