Spring Renewal and Hope
Adapted for blended families and those who are celebrating Easter this season
To read the blog version intended for those of Jewish faith, click here.
(Please note, I recognize that not all of my readers believe in God, but many do believe in a higher power, whatever that may be. If you do believe in a higher power, you can visualize whatever version fits into your belief system as you read. Throughout, I use the name God referring to a higher power.)
Although Passover and Easter often fall out around the same time, their holidays don’t really overlap in theme all that much. There are certainly some commonalities like; they both take place during the spring season of renewal, they both have overlapping symbolic items like an egg and a few thematic co-occurrences like redemption and hope.
The similarities pretty much end there.
For our clients who are raising children in blended families and environments, the challenge of this season is not as seamless as the blend of Chanukah and Christmas. Those winter holidays are pretty light in ritual (pun intended) and many people don’t necessarily understand the story behind either holiday, so there’s often a celebrating both in the “festive spirit”.
However, when it comes to Easter and Passover, the holidays don’t blend in the same way (even though the Catholic Church calls Easter “The Christian Passover”).
I won’t get into the details about “the Last Supper” and the hot topic of related sacrificial offerings, because my goal is not to teach you about the significant differences between religions, but to help us find some common ground in order to create more peace and harmony in this world.
A similar message about renewal and connection
However, both religions {these holidays are associated with} are monotheistic and believe in the Old Testament, so I will share a passage from there, that is a central theme of the Passover experience, yet also a theme that is universal for all faith based religions.
God heard their cries, and God remembered His covenant with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob. God looked upon the Children of Israel, and God took notice (knew them).
(Deuteronomy 2:24-25)
In the above quoted passage, we see that God heard the cries of the children of Israel (AKA Jacob), which “reminded” Him of His covenant.
This teaches us a very important lesson about intimacy, connection and prayer.
Our connection with God is not only meant to be a way of asking for things, but it is a vehicle in which to learn how to connect with any important relationships in our lives.
YY Jacobson explains how each type of relationship in our lives (parent, spouse, friend, sibling, child etc.) is meant to teach us different ways to connect with God. That is why God has so many different names and descriptors throughout the Bible. By realizing that these relationships are all in our lives for this purpose - to learn how to connect better with Him, we can value the people in our lives on a whole new level.
Basically, our interpersonal connections with people and our connections with God both influence each other in a huge way.
UCLA professor and neuro researcher Matthew Lieberman in his book, "Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect” explains how all humans NEED connection and that it is as fundamental of a human need as our requirement for food and water.
Psychotherapists knew this for years, hence Attachment Theory and all of the many spin-off psychotherapy methods. But finally, Dr. Lieberman could see and find proof using fMRIs that the power of connection is necessary for our very survival. He was also able to see the detrimental effects of not having connections with others. Perhaps that is why in the very first book in the bible it says that it’s not good for humans to be alone.
As researcher Brene Brown said;
“We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”
Connection is so important that God essentially gives us a prescription in these passages for ways in which He connects with us.
Let’s break down each of the different phrases used in the above passage, describing different types of connection:
God heard
God remembered
God saw
God noticed (knew)
Past and future connections
Here we see that God recognizes the strength of our past connection with Him (through the merit of our forefathers) and He looks ahead at our future connection with Him at Mount Sinai, when we will receive the entire Five Books of Moses and the Oral laws.
By taking advantage of our direct connection with God we can learn ways to enrich all other relationships in the most profound ways.
And in any relationship, it’s important to recognize that it can only be strong and healthy if you put some skin in the game.
If you are close with your mom, I doubt you’d say, “Hey, I talked to my mom last month so that should be enough to keep us going for a while.” It doesn’t work like that. It is impossible for our relationships to be strong without putting in consistent effort. These passages give us that formula for all relationships.
Why God Uses Intimate Language
A Lesson about Focusing on Strengths and Overlooking Shortcomings
It is interesting to note that when we see the word “וַיֵּ֖דַע - know” in different forms throughout the bible, it is used to describe the most intimate relationships. Usually between sexual partners.
When it’s used here in this passage to describe God’s relationship with the children of Israel, we understand that God decided at this point to focus on their virtues, rather than their shortcomings.[1] This shift in focus is essential for any intimate relationship - to be able to focus on the good and recognize that we all have shortcomings.
If God can look past them, so can we.
In healthy relationships, we overlook imperfections in others.
To be clear: imperfections are not abuse. There is a clear distinction.
Over the last few months, the themes of my blogs have been all about relationships and it looks like that theme is carrying over and influencing this spring season series as well. In the last series though, the focus was on romance and parenting, for the most part. This time, we are looking at reconnection, healing and redemption of the self and with our higher power.
We are exploring ways in which our relationship with our inner child and with our spiritual/soulful selves can further our healing. We are also learning more about internal freedom and advocating for the freedom of others.
In my work as a trauma specialist, I come across a lot of challenges with crisis of faith.
It is not uncommon for those who have experienced trauma to be angry with God.
I once heard that any prayer that refers to Father (in Heaven) can be incredibly triggering to many who have been abused by a mother or father figure or if they felt that God did’t protect them from being hurt.
Repairing the relationship with spirituality/gd is an important aspect to healing - of course this is if the individual wants to and is ready work on that relationships. I’ve seen the healing work help many reconnect with their soulful and spiritual self after trauma.
Religion and spirituality aren’t always intertwined.
If you’ve been hurt by someone in a religious institution, you may want to find your own way to connect with your soul/spirit that feels safe and healthy to you and your health. And you may want to be mindful of who you reconnect with so that you have a good experience when you reconnect and associate with holiday times.
It’s important to mention that the obligation “to forgive and forget” is a misnomer.
If you have been abused, your goal is to heal yourself.
You have no obligation whatsoever to forgive your abuser.
One of the most powerful stories in Edith Eiger’s book “The Choice” is when she chose to let go of Hitler’s hold over her. It wasn’t about forgiveness, it was about the release. I don’t want to spoil that story for you, because you need to read the book for yourself.
I hope you have a redemptive and peaceful holiday!
XO Esther and the Integrative Team
[1] Kedushat Levi