What is an Agunah?

In Hebrew, Agunah literally means "anchored," or "chained", but when we hear someone being called an Agunah, it is referring to a woman whose husband has either disappeared or who has left her (and who she is still technically married to) according to Jewish Law. She is considered a "chained woman" because she cannot remarry without a “Get” (a Jewish divorce.)

She may have a legal divorce, but she also needs a Jewish one too. Some have gotten their legal divorce but not their Jewish one; in both scenarios they are considered Agunot.

Missing person, War and Agunot

The missing person sort of Agunah, is when the husband goes missing due to war. Historically, to prevent this kind of Agunah, when a man went off to war, he would issue a preemptive “Get” to protect his wife from this status, so that if he never returned, she would have the freedom to go on and remarry. If he returned home safe and sound, they would renew their “Ketubah” (Jewish marriage contract.)

When people use religion in an abusive way: that’s the farthest thing from pious.

Today, the term Agunah is more well known because of some men who use this halacha (Jewish law) as a form of abuse and manipulation. When a man no longer lives with his wife and he refuses to issue a “get”, it is a form of abuse. Some men, despite being ordered by the rabbinical courts to give a get, use the divorce papers as leverage for financial gain, unfair custody arrangements or other manipulative reasons in their civil divorce settlement. Others refuse to give a “get” simply because they are spiteful and abusive.

In these instances, the law that was set up to protect women has been perverted and used as a form of torture.

HOLDING UP A DIVORCE AS A MANIPULATION TACTIC IS A PROBLEM IN THE GENERAL COURTS TOO, SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT AND AN AGUNAH?

Yes, unfortunately it’s not uncommon for abusers to use divorce as a manipulation tactic both in the Jewish court system and in the general courts too.

I do want to take a moment to note that I am aware that abusers can be female or male. For the sake of this topic, we will be discussing women who are chained to marriages. I am not ignoring or undermining males who have been controlled, manipulated or abused by their wives or ex-wive.

The issue is, that in the general courts, either partner can hold up divorce proceedings in order to cause pain to the other partner. In Judaism, this halacha seems to put all the power in the man’s hands, when it was supposed to be the opposite. It was meant to give the woman security in the case of divorce.

Both justice systems are set up to protect people.

However, systems can be abused.

Unfortunately, there are some very unhealthy men who are vindictive and take this opportunity to blackmail and torture instead of protecting the person they vowed to support. Women have been hurt by the system disproportionately to men in both court systems.

THAT SEEMS UNFAIR! CAN’T THE RABBIS JUST CHANGE THE LAW?
Actually, yes.

The Jewish justice system is meant to protect us and keep us safe. When it becomes chronically abused, the “Dayanim” (Rabbis of the Jewish courts) can establish new precedents and generate new boundaries so the law is not abused. Throughout history, as new problems arise, the system has been adjusted to include preemptive and protective measures for this kind of challenge.

I’ll give you a few examples of times in history that have been pivotal and game changing;

During the Talmudic Era: Rabbis Established a Precedent that “Forcing a Man to Give a Get Using Corporal Punishment is Legally Binding” (Approx 70–640 ce)

The Rabbis codified a solution that worked pretty well at the time. They wrote that "One who is halachically mandated to divorce his wife and refuses to do so, a Jewish Bet Din (court of law)... will corporally punish him until he says, 'I want it!’ (basically, he is tortured until he “wants” to divorce willingly). The “Get” is written and it is considered kosher and binding."

The Jewish courts could use any and all methods at their disposal to coerce the husband to "agree" to divorce his wife, including brute force, if needed.

Until a few decades ago, this method worked, mostly because the Jewish court was still upheld by the majority of Jews and the Semicha (ordination to become a Rabbi) held lots of weight. For over 1000 years the Rabbinical courts have not had the authority to administer corporal punishment according to Jewish law because Rabbinical ordination does not carry the same meaning… however, corporal punishment to protect Agunot is still allowed and encouraged.

In the last century, the challenge has increased even more because Jewish communities are more divided on Jewish law and are not all governed by the same council. Different communities have, however, established new precedent that protects the Agunah.

Rabbeinu Gershom Established a Precedent Called “The Chained Husband” (He lived from 960 - 1040 ce)

A little over 1,000 years ago, Rabbeinu Gershom, the “Av Beit Din” (Head of the Jewish Court) in Germany took charge of a few issues that were becoming more of a problem in Jewish communities, including the Agunah problem. He instituted major reforms within Jewish marriage laws that protected Women’s rights;

Polygamy was outlawed
Both parties had to agree to the “Get” (a woman could not be divorced without her consent.)
A man who refuses to give a “Get” to his wife also became “chained” in the marriage and could not remarry until a “Get” was issued.

While it is now true that a “Get” may also be withheld by a woman, the Agunah cases today are still disproportionately ones involving husbands perverting the system by abusing wives, rather than the reverse.
The mental anguish involved in this sort of abuse is gut-wrenching, so modern Rabbis continue to establish new precedent in order to circumvent the ability to use these halachot (Jewish laws) as a form of abuse.

Halachic Prenup Preemptive Solution (1990’s - present day)

Although the agunah problem has evolved over the millenia, there has been a lot of progress made in safeguarding the laws and redeeming the abused. The plight of the modern-day Agunah has thankfully captured our attention. As a nation, we have the responsibility of protecting each other and doing anything in our power to fix and prevent this sort of abuse from happening in our communities.

In the early 1990s, Rabbi Mordechai Willig (of the Beit Din in the USA), in collaboration with halachic and legal experts, established a protocol that authorizes a beit din (Jewish court) to, technically speaking, issue a “Get” when it is being withheld inappropriately. Renowned Rabbis including Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, Rav Asher Weiss and Rabbi Hershel Schachter have endorsed the use of a halachic prenup and in 2006 the RCA (Rabbinical Council of America) passed a “bill” that Rabbis should not officiate at a wedding in which a halachic prenup has not been signed.

Don’t worry, if you are married and didn’t sign one before your wedding, it can be signed at any point after as well. In fact, it can be a very thoughtful and romantic activity to do on an anniversary or special occasion.

The document can be downloaded here www.theprenup.org. The agreement lists mutually agreed on monetary penalties for abuse of power that becomes a legal obligation, enforceable in a secular court of law.

What YOU can do to help

Social Media: Although a halachic prenup has been an incredibly effective tool to prevent Agunah abuse in the Jewish community and is gaining popularity across communities rapidly, it is a preventative measure. Those that are already in abusive situations need our support. With some social justice action on social media, many Agunahs have been released from their shackles because of people like you who can take action on social media by applying pressure so the abusers can’t get away with it anymore.
Host a Prenup Information Night: Invite a speaker to talk to your community or your child’s high school about halachic prenups. It is not uncommon for couples to turn it into an excuse for a party and offer some sort of incentive gift for people who sign one that night.
Organize a lobbying group: It is within our power to put pressure on the secular courts to enact laws that require insubordinate spouses to grant a “Get”, taking punitive measures to punish people who abuse the system. There are halachic implications to this, because persuasion by force must be initiated by the Jewish courts, but this can be rectified when halachic authorities are consulted on a case by case basis.
Organize a support group or a support system: If you have a woman in your community who is an Agunah, lobby behind her and support her in any way you can. If she is a mother, this added stress can take a huge toll on the children, so establishing a support system to help her out can be really helpful.
Encourage your community Rabbis to engage the community: Although public shaming and community shunning is strongly discouraged in all other incidents, in the case of Agunah abuse, it can a tactic that, when used mindfully, can make a shift. May individuals feel threatened by the fear of being pushed out of their community, and give a “get”. By a Rabbi or leader speaking up, they are also defining what is respected, and demanded, of their community members.
A note about domestic violence abusers, narcissists and sociopaths.
When the get refuser has physically abused their partner, has a personality disorder or has sociopathic traits, the usual steps are not encouraged, they are actually advised against. In unique instances, putting the wrong kind of pressure or trying to make a change that is out of sync with the unique situation, can make things worse for all involved. In such cases, professional consultation must be considered, to be certain that the safety and health is protected and calculated in the planning. In some instances, there are a lot more layers at play than what meets the public eye. It’s important that we resist the impulse to “offer advice” to promote an idea that may either backfire or just sputter things out of control.
Never give up!: Many cases have been resolved simply by pushing a previously impossible boundary, reaching out to new resources and/or creative problem solving. Most Jewish courts have successfully taken care to do whatever it takes, but if the community doesn’t stand behind them, it becomes more difficult to implement. We all need to stand behind the system, whether it’s sharing abusers on the wall of shame or helping to advocate for the sunning of an abuser.

Let’s keep bnding together to support each other in change, healing and shifts that impact not just this generation….

but generations to come.

Sending much strength,

Xo

Esther and The Integrative Team

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1) Talmud, Shabbat 56a.
2)Maimonides, Laws of Divorce 2:20; see also Code of Jewish Law, Even Ha'ezer 154:21.
3) Maimonides, Laws of Sanhedrin 16:2
4) There was a caveat set to this. If a wife became the abuser and refused the “Get”, a forum of 100 competant Rabbis together (a large number of people that would have to be on the same page) could grant an exception to the rule and allow for the man to marry another woman. He felt that getting 100 Rabbis to agree on something like this was even more difficult that forcing a man to change his mind using corporal punishment, thus safeguarding both the man and the woman while also creating more equality.

What Is An Agunah ?