8 Resolutions to Transform 2019
Counseling and Psychotherapy for Anxiety and Trauma in Five Towns, Nassau County in Long Island, NY.
Resolutions are one of those things we make when we want to live better, feel healthier and love more. Need some suggestions?
Here are 8 Tips for Jan 2019.
Language
Notice the words you use, the tone of voice and how you deliver your messages. We sometimes forget that our words have power, make an impact and let others and the world know about who we are. You may want to refine not just the words you use, but also what it is you talk about. I’ve been learning a book with my sister that focuses on speaking kindly of others, and being cognizant of the impact our choice of words make. Join me in working on this! Start small; shift the way you invite your partner to dinner, how you reprimand your child, or how you chat about yourself on a lunch date. Yes, your language regarding yourself also matters!
2. No isn’t a dirty word
I said it. NO. It isn’t a dirty word; actually it’s a word that protects, that allows and that invites. You need to say no in order to protect that which is important, to allow elements of your life, relationships and values to deepen and grow; to invite more of what you need.
Practice saying no to things that are no longer serving you. You have permission to say no; to pull back, and stick to healthy boundaries. Try this in relationships, social obligations, family roles, responsibilities, activities and even habits that have been stepping on your boundaries.
3. More than “Beauty Sleep”
Sleep isn’t just good for your skin. Although proper amounts of shut eye will keep your face aglow and give you that fresh look, your body physically needs nourishment that only sleep provides.
We need adequate sleep to function intellectually because our brains don’t work properly when having to work on “overdrive”. And even more than that, when you don’t feed your body enough sleep time you’ll end up being irritable, anxious and depressed because you’re not getting rest.
How to start? Set a new routine, or make your “getting ready for bed” a lot earlier than usual. You should be planning on seven hours of good sleep. Turn electronics off a good two to three hours before bedtime, dim the lights and read a book or engage in a lighter conversation so your mind can begin slowing down.
4. More & Less
Prioritize and delineate in advance what you want to add and what you want to subtract; nothing changes without a focus first.
What would you like more of in this coming year?
More social interaction, deeper friendships, more time to create, draw, strengthen a hobby. More time and focus for your spiritual pursuits, more presence of mind and family outings. More focusing on gratitude and joys of gifts you do have. More home-made dinners and bonding time. More puzzles and creative home activities. More physical activity.
What would you like less of?
Less social media time, less nights at work, less take-out food, less fighting, less shouting at home, less family chaos, less stagnation. Less anger and irritation. Less criticism, less disconnection. Less victim mindset. Less focusing outward, on others and their lives.
5. Plan of Action.
You can have goals but without a plan of action, nothing will change. You want to teach your kids how to make food at home and buy less take-out? Plan in advance; buy the ingredients needed, prepare adequate time.
Want to improve your sex life? Jumping into bed with an excited smile won’t cut it. Start at the beginning; have a conversation with your partner. Be clear on what is and isn’t working and what you’d like to do differently. Planning allows for change to happen with more ease and flexibility.
6. Where’s the Power?
We often forget the power we possess and fall into old ways of thinking, being, doing and behaving. If you knew how much power you had, how capable you are, you’d do a double take as you watched yourself glitch back into a way of being that does not serve you.
Challenge yourself, remind yourself that you can do hard things.
7. Invite Emotions
Rich living means feeling all emotions. Uncomfortable emotions don’t mean you’re not doing well. If anything, being able to be brave and invite the feelings that come up in daily life is what allows for change and for being honest. It’s also what allows for vulnerability and real intimacy and connection to develop. Emotions can feel scary at first because you may not know what to do with them; if that’s the case, try a sliver at a time. Try 10% of a new emotion and see what that’s like.
8. Fuel the Fire
I didn’t use the term self-care because it’s an overused word and we all “know” it, but how many of us truly embody it daily? It’s hard to make sure we’re always fueled up because life has its waves. How to prep in advance?
Carve out an hour once a week time that is simply yours.
We all need alone time, quiet time, down time and time to just be. In the moment. To reflect and explore. Not good at quiet time? Take something on that excites you and can nourish you. An art class, an outside walk, a pottery class, poetry writing course or social time.
Remember, you’re the one who lives in your skin, your body, your mind and your heart. Your choices and focus impact the quality of life and how you maximize this coming year.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t reach your goals.
If you’ve been trying to implement change but are hitting against anxiety, depression and are feeling trapped, psychotherapy can help.
If you live in Long Island and are ready to engage in therapy so you can feel better, reach out here. I’d be happy to be a resource!