10 Common Triggers

10 Common triggers 

In our last blog we explained what triggers are, and some ideas of what to do when you are feeling triggered. Now, what are common triggers that many of us face?

Here are some common experiences that are connected to being triggered. 

1.Feeling invisible

Being with your partner, in a group of friends, at a work meeting or with family and noticing that no one is paying attention to you. This can bring up feelings of insignificance and insecurity, and may leave you comparing yourself to others, feeling really small and invisible.

2. Being Dismissed

Speaking up at a meal, sharing an opinion in a meeting or setting a boundary in a relationship, and the person ignores what you have to say. 

3. Being Ghosted

When someone goes silent on you, and you’re left scratching your head, wondering why they went silent, was it something you said or did, or something they found out about you. You can be left in a spiral of doubt and confusion.

4. Being “Used”

This happens when someone uses you for their benefit without having asked or without there being a balance of give and take. For example, a friend who pretends to be friendly but only to get you to develop a connection for her/him with your network, and then they go silent or don't invest in the relationship ( and don't return favors when you ask the same of them). 

5. Sensing Danger

Having a sense that something dangerous is about to happen or will happen such as something shameful, or something catastrophic, emotionally or physically. A lifelong secret about to be shared, noticing the presence of an unsafe person, a child being shamed, a job being lost or a flash of an impending car crash or violence. 

6. Feeling Utterly Alone 

Being in this world with no one by your side, and no one to call can be a trigger in itself. Triggers don't need to be something that is “happening”, rather, it can be an awareness of a reality that, when noticed or when something brings it up/triggers it, brings up a lot of emotions.

7. Being controlled and/or smothered

In a relationship where the other person makes choices for you or is too clingy and smothering over you to a degree where it feels stifling and difficult to be yourself.

8. Being vulnerable

Being vulnerable can bring relief and support, but there is also risk because there is no guarantee of how the other will respond. Being vulnerable and open can lead to feeling calm if the person, environment or situation responds with support to whatever it is that's being shared. Or, it can turn out worse if whatever was shared vulnerably goes ignored or is judged. Regardless, the experience of being vulnerable can be triggering, especially to someone who usually has their guard up. It’s uncomfortable to expose a thought, feeling or hope- especially if that thing being shared is something that’s usually kept private and protected. 

9. When boundaries are ignored/ violated

You may have your own set of boundaries, and when violated, it can be triggering. A friend coming over drunk, a date reaching for a sexual move that you explicitly pushed away, a colleague calling at a time that you shared does not work for you, a family member asking personal questions that you made clear is not appropriate to be asked. 

10. Feeling out of ease with a situation/person/place

Noticing that something is happening that doesn't sit well with you or is wrong: someone being hurt, being in a situation with others who are acting in a way that goes against your integrity/value system, witnessing a trauma, sensing an unhealthy or inappropriate dynamic at work, being in place that feels eerie or unsettling, unsafe. Being in an environment (home, work, socially, global/worldwide) where there is a lack of safety and respect. 

Now, if any of these resonate, or if you’ve had a different situation pop up that left you feeling wobbly, anxious, frightened or just not like yourself, that’s normal. We all get triggered from time to time. Sometimes, there is something bubbling beneath the surface that needs attention, so if triggers are happening more often, you may want to consider one on one help.

A somatic exercise for you to try right now

If you’re looking for a skill for the here and now, check out this simple 6 step somatic experience exercise to process triggers.

Try this- I hope it can offer some relief. And if you’re looking to engage in some personalized healing with a therapist who uses somatic experience, EMDR, cognitive behavioral work or another method to helping you heal, reach out today.

Our team is here to help you, starting today.

Counseling in Long Island and across New York.

Until next time, sending kind wishes your way,

Esther & The Integrative Team

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