Mothers Day, loss and trauma
A day to celebrate, a day to appreciate, a day to give thanks.
A day filled with home-made cookies, hand written letters, and roundtable conversations.
And, a day potentially filled with big emotions.
With any hallmark holiday, there's an awakening, a focus, a highlighter to a time, an event, a role.
And with it bubbles to the surface our relationships with our maternal figures in our lives.
The warmth, the connection, the love and reassurance, and for many, as well, the pain, sadness, disappointment, doubt and grief.
If you're in pain on this day, or feeling the rumblings of grief, I'd like to gently encourage you to take this day to nourish your inner self. Here are 12 tips to help you make this a meaningful, yet gentle day.
Nurture your inner lovable child from a warm place, a sense of inner gentle, compassion.
Surround with Warmth
Surround yourself with others who share love, connection and meaning.
Take a moment to reflect on what today's feelings mean to you. Be with the experience.
Allow yourself to ride the emotions. If there's joy, embrace, feel it, let it nourish you. If there's blended grief and loss, please give those feelings the platform they deserve. Relationships sometimes hurt, especially if there's a loss, of whatever kind.
Please don't "should" all over yourself. You don't need to feel the way the cards say you need to. You are allow to feel whatever this day means to you, and you don’t need to prescribe to how you “should” be feeling or what you “should be doing”.
Permission to celebrate
Give yourself permission to celebrate the small sprinkles of care you have for yourself, for others and for those around you. If it’s your mom, great. If it’s someone else and not your mom, that’s equally great. It can be a day of love for whomever you would like it to be.
If you're around others who bring up sensitive feelings, stand in your essence and personify the values and boundaries you've worked hard at.
Anchor + Observe
Don't get pulled into unhealthy family pattens, rather anchor in your own inner wisdom. Notice if there are old patterns, and observe, don't engage if it causes extra distress or upsetting feelings
Give Grief Space
If you're grieving this mothers day due to loss, you have permission to not celebrate. Yes, permission. To those yearning to be moms, where this time reminds you of your unspoken pain. To those whose mom have passed on. To those with strained relationships with their maternal figures, or deep pains regarding your motherly connection, you're allowed to celebrate by not "celebrating"
Focus on prioritizing + investing in relationships that support you, find ways to magnify connectivity in your life.
Appreciate the role, or roles, you play. If you're the mom, daughter, wife, sister, granddaughter, grandmother, niece or godchild, notice those inner roles, and appreciate the ways you show up for others.
12. Notice + Stay With It
The reality of your experience today may not be the same one you had last mothers day, and may not be the one you’ll have next year. Our lives are always changing and there are new dynamics at play. Mindfully being in today, not last year, and not tomorrow or next year, is what will make today as okay and meaningful as possible.
If you’re experiencing a deep grief and are looking to do some deeper work to heal old wounds + embrace yourself and others with more joy and ease, reach out to schedule a session at my Cedarhurst office in Long Island, NY here.